Stay Together For The Kids
by TieMeDownToYourSoul
Summary: Emily and Spencer are divorced with three kids, will they find it in their hearts to find their way back to each other? Can they stay together for the kids? This will be a song-fic story :
1. Every Other Weekend

**A/N: This will be a few chapters long, I've recently gotten into the whole Spencer/Emily ship...I'm now addicted. Enjoy and review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pretty Little Liars):**

* * *

><p><em>Every other Friday its toys, and clothes, and backpacks. Is everybody in, okay let's go see Dad. Same time in the same spot, corner of the same old parking lot, half the hugs and kisses there are always sad. We trade a couple words, and looks, and kids again, every other weekend.<em>

"I gots my wace car, my history bwook, my fwashlight, my cape, and your t-shirt!" A small brunette with bursting brown eyes stared up at his mother with a look of innocence shining through his smile as he bounced on his toes. "I can't wait to sees Mama and tells her all about Auntie Hanna's doggy! Unkee Caleb says he wikes it bestest, even mores than a kitty!"

Emily Fields smiled down at her three-year-old son, her eyes flickering from the toddler to her red SUV as she stuffed the little boy's backpack in the back along with his twin older sisters' multiple toys and junk they toted over to Spencer's for the weekend. It was another every other Fridays and Emily was loading her kids up to go see their other mother, something she hated.

She missed Spencer, they had been amazing together, but something along the lines faded away and Spencer had cheated on her. After that, they had tried to stay together for the sake of their kids but that only lasted a year before Emily finally served Spencer with the divorce papers, now she had the kids every day but every other Friday and Saturday; today was no different, in fifteen minutes she would have to face the woman she was still in love with.

"Jamie, buddy, can you go get your sisters? We really need to go." Emily sighed as she slammed the trunk shut, glancing down at her son who was holding his Batman and Superman figures in his hands with a smile that matched Spencer's. "Tell them me have to hurry because your Mama has some stuff to do this afternoon and she says not to be late."

"Yeah! Mama!"

With that, James was off and Emily chuckled and shook her head, her son had defiantly taken after Spencer in the personality factor. Emily had carried James Peter Hastings while Spencer had carried the twins, Elizabeth Aria Hastings and Annabelle Hanna Hastings and all three children had come out with Emily's soft eyes and Spencer's mischievous grin.

James was a mini-Spencer and everyone agreed, the child was always sticking his nose where it didn't belong and way always content on listening to boring facts; the only thing James had in common with Emily was their love for the water, the three-year-old had always enjoyed his bath time and spent a majority of his time playing in a kiddy pool and pretending he was an Olympic swimmer.

"Mommy, are we really gonna go see Mama? I haven't seen her in forever!" Elizabeth exclaimed as she rushed to her mother's side, the five-year-old clinging to Emily's thigh as she flashed her a grin before snuggling into her. "But I'm gonna miss you, how about you come with us and never leave again? That way you and Mama can be married and happy, I liked it better when you and Mama were together."

Emily bit her lip as she glanced down at her precious daughter, Elizabeth had the biggest heart and Spencer had always said she had gotten it from her. The little girl was constantly seeking out problems to fix and was always happy when everyone around her was, so the divorce had hit her the hardest. Like Emily, she always grew quiet when things bothered her and for six months she had watched her daughter sink into a shell and try to hide from the world.

"I know, Beth, but I've already told you that me and your momma just weren't happy together. But we're happy now, huh? You've got your brother and your sister and me, not to mention your Uncle Caleb, your Uncle Ezra, your Auntie Aria, your Auntie Hanna, and your cousins Layla and Drew." Emily listed as she ruffled the soft dirty blonde hair on her five-year-old's head, the child flashing her a small smile before she pulled away to scramble into the SUV.

"Mommy! I can't find my soccer ball!"

A matching version of Elizabeth came running through the garage and out onto the driveway with a panicked expression, Annabelle was the opposite of her twin in every way. Her focus was always on sports, whether it be soccer or swimming that was all she cared about and she found comfort in kicking her ball around. Emily had always been jealous of the bond Spencer and Annabelle shared; the two were always able to communicate with a simple glance.

"Did you check the back? I'm pretty sure you packed it already, Annabelle." Emily smirked and the girl gave her a goofy smile before rushing past her and flying into the backseat alongside her sister, the brunette woman smiled as her three-year-old finally came skipping out with a smile. "Good job getting the girls, Jimmy-Jam."

"I'm Mommy's wittle helper, that's what Auntie Hanna says." James beamed as he allowed Emily to scoop him up, the swimmer buckling him in his green car seat before slamming the door shut and moving to the driver's side.

The ride was quiet aside from the soft noise from the radio, all three kids staring out the windows as the scenery flew by until they turned into the all too familiar parking lot where a dark blue SUV waited for them, Spencer Hastings leaning against it with her arms crossed over her chest and Emily felt her heart thump wildly in her chest as she swallowed hard around the lump in her throat.

It was amazing how much control Spencer still had over her, she knew she would never fully be over her ex-wife; she still loved Spencer with everything in her. Their life together had been beautiful, built out of trust and love and when Spencer had cheated Emily had felt her heart shatter, but staring at the taller brunette she knew she'd forgive Spencer in a heartbeat.

"Mama!" Elizabeth and Annabelle were out of the car first, James squirming in his car seat as Emily chuckled before sliding out of the car and unbuckling her excited son watching as he too flew out of her arms and towards Spencer, all three of them began to talk at the same time and Spencer simply laughed and nodded her head, pretending to catch everything they were saying.

Emily watched as Spencer gathered all three of their kids in her arms and kissed the top of their heads, her eyes closing and Emily knew she was trying to soak it all in. The swimmer knew how hard it was for Spencer, she only got to see the kids two days every other week and Emily got to see them nearly every day, but with Spencer jetting off almost every weekend for work it was easy for the judge to reward the custody to Emily.

The woman was brought out of her thoughts as a thin pair of arms wrapped around her leg and she glanced down to see James staring up at her with tears in his eyes and Emily smiled before scooping the child into a hug, "Mommy, I don't wants you's to go! Come wis us, pwease! I don't wanna go to Mama's wisout you, it's no fun!"

"Baby boy, this is how it works now. You get to spend two whole days with your momma and then I'll be here Sunday to give you an extra big bear hug, how does that sound?" Emily whispered as she swayed with the three-year-old, placing kisses on his soft curls as she tried to breathe the innocence in before letting him go for forty-eight hours. "Mommy loves you so much and she'll see you Sunday, be good for your momma and watch your sisters for me, okay?"

"Yes ma'am," James pouted as Emily set him back on the ground, the toddler rushing back to Spencer's side and allowing his mother to pick him up and turn to buckle him in his car seat; Emily sighed before she gasped as two bodies crashed into her.

"Bye Mommy, we'll see you Sunday!" The twins chirped together, enveloping their mother around the waist and Emily laughed lightly before ruffling their hair and leaning down to kiss both of them on the top of her heads; even at five-years-old the two girls were always talking at the same time and completing each other's sentences. "We love you!"

Emily waited patiently as Spencer helped the girls buckle up before slamming the car door and turning to face Emily with a sad expression, "I packed an extra night outfit for James because he's been wetting the bed recently and please don't forget to take Anna to her soccer practice tomorrow, it's at three. Also, Beth's asthma is acting up so I packed her inhaler. Don't give them too much sugar, they get really wild and Beth usually ends up getting sick."

"Em, I get it. There my kids too, I know them." Spencer laughed, cutting off the woman and giving her a hesitant smile that Emily returned a moment later. "I have Anna's practice scheduled in my phone and I have Beth's inhaler at my place, but an extra one will be good."

"Okay, goodbye Spencer." Emily whispered before she turned and made her way back to her car, the tears building up in her orbs as she heard the sound of Spencer's car door slamming before the engine roared to life and her whole life drove away, Emily climbed into her own SUV and tightened her hands around the wheel of her car before sighing. "I love you, Spencer."

* * *

><p><strong>Every other weekend, very few acceptations, I pick up the love we made in both my arms. It's movies on the sofa, grilled cheese and cut the crust off, that's not the way Mom makes it, Daddy. It breaks my heart. I miss everything we used to have with her again, every other weekend.<strong>

The sound of Harry Potter echoed through the hallways as Spencer maneuvered her way towards the living room with three plates full of grilled cheese sandwiches, it was another Friday movie night and Spencer was excited to just kick back with her kids and enjoy it. She had fought against herself in that parking lot earlier that morning, her heart was begging her to just drop her pride and beg Emily for forgiveness, beg her to come home.

Spencer had made a mistake, she had lost sight of everything that mattered and in a moment of weakness had let her guard down and slept with someone who wasn't her wife. She would never forget the look on Emily's face when she broke the news, and she'd never forget the punch that came from Hanna two days later; her friends were barely her friends anymore, Aria and Hanna had both taken Emily under their wings and were extremely protective of her now.

Life had changed and Spencer was the cause of it, it had been a full year since she and Emily had finalized the divorce and the custody battle had ended shortly after that. So now, Spencer soaked in every second she had with her daughters and son because she knew she only had two days to learn about everything that had happened to them in the days she had been gone.

"Okay, kiddos, we have three steaming hot grilled cheese sandwiches with carrot sticks cut up on the side and your favorite chocolate chip cookies!" Spencer grinned, setting each plate on each child's dinner trays and watching as they squealed and leaned over to observe her work, but instantly she noticed the way Annabelle's face fell. "Hey, sweetie, what's the matter?"

"You cut the corners off, Mommy _never _cuts the corners off." Annabelle pouted as she picked at the toasted bread before sighing heavily and lifting the top layer off and she huffed loudly causing Spencer to stare at her in wonder. "And you put the cheese on top of the butter again, Mommy always puts the butter on _top _of the cheese so it melts into the bread."

Spencer winced and felt her heart break as she watched her daughter shove her plate away before falling back against the couch cushion and crossing her arms over her chest, as much as she wanted to scold her for being so disrespectful it was understandable. Once upon a time, Emily had been the maker of each dinner and Spencer had forgotten how the sandwiches were made.

"I'm sorry, Anna. Why don't you eat your carrots and cookies?" Spencer offered as she dropped beside her son, James quickly scrambling under her arm as he took a bite out of his sandwich before smiling brightly up at his mother and Spencer gave him a grin in return before leaning down to peck the toddler on the forehead. "You like it, huh Jamie?"

"Mmm-hmm!" James beamed as he nodded his head in excitement before focusing his eyes back on the TV screen as the familiar sound of the Harry Potter theme song whistled through the air.

The movie ended quicker than Spencer would have liked, but quietly she scooped up her three-year-old and carried him to his blue bedroom, laying the child in his big boy bed and placing a loving kiss on his tiny forehead. For a moment she stared at him, taking in the tanned skin that reminded Spencer so much of Emily's and the way his legs would twitch every few seconds in his sleep…just like Emily. With a sigh, Spencer walked out of the room and wondered into Annabelle's bedroom.

"All tucked in, that's my girl." Spencer grinned as she wondered over to tuck the covers tighter before kissing Annabelle's head and running her fingers through her bangs, soaking in the dark eyes that stared up at her. "You know I love you, right? And that I'm sorry for putting you, Jamie, and Beth through this. I never wanted this to happen, Anna."

"I know, Mama. Mommy says that everyone makes mistakes, she says that sometimes it just takes a while for them to be forgiven. I hope you and Mommy work it out, Auntie Hanna says that Mommy has been talking to her new assistant from high school. Her name is Samara and she's nice." Annabelle yawned as she snuggled back into her pillow.

"Oh, well, I'm sure your Mommy is just friends with Samara. Now, go to sleep cause we're going to have so much fun tomorrow!" Spencer smirked as she tried to hold back the tears that had built up in her eyes, of course Emily was already being swooped up by Samara, she wasn't surprised at all because Emily was gorgeous. "I love you, Anna Banana."

"Love you too, Mama!" Annabelle yawned.

Spencer stood slowly and walked into Elizabeth's room and found her getting comfortable, quickly she pasted on a fake smile and wondered over to her bed watching as she stretched her arms over her head before falling backwards and cuddling into her blankets, her precious little girl was staring at a picture frame which she knew encased the last family photo they had taken.

"What'cha looking at, Lizzy?" Spencer asked as she kneeled beside her small bed and took the frame, her eyes tracing over the faces as she took in the smiles from their trip back to Rosewood to visit their families, it had been one of the best trips they had ever taken as a family…and their last. "I remember this, we had fun didn't we?"

"Yeah, aside from when Mommy got hurt on our skateboards." Elizabeth giggled and Spencer couldn't help but laugh along with her, she loved hearing her kids laugh because it was honestly one of the most magical sounds in her life, finally they settled back down and Elizabeth stared at Spencer as the brunette woman set the frame back in its place. "How come you don't love Mommy no more?"

Spencer chocked on a gasp as she shot her wide eyes to her daughter, watching as her innocent brown orbs stared into hers and for a moment her heart cracked a little more. It physically hurt to think that her kids didn't believe she loved Emily, regardless of her true feelings; she would always love Emily because she gave her three beautiful children and an amazing fifteen years.

"Sweetie, I never said I didn't love your Mommy. We're just living two different lives now, we're not like we used to be." Spencer explained lightly and Elizabeth stared at her sadly, her lower lip poking out in a pout that resembled Emily's. "Nuh-uh, don't you dare used that puppy lip on me. You know what happened between me and your mother isn't bad, we still care about each other."

"Why do you do that?" Elizabeth questioned in a quiet tone, her head dropping as she curled her blanket in her fist before glancing up to see Spencer staring at her in confusion and with a long sigh she dragged her teeth across her bottom lip. "Every time I bring something up about Mommy you always end up not telling me, you avoid the answer."

"I do not," Spencer scoffed.

"You're doing it right now!" Elizabeth accused as her tiny fists hit the bedspread, her brown eyes staring up at Spencer with a spark of anger that resembled her own. "How come you and Mommy don't love each other no more? How come Mommy gets sad every time she and Auntie Aria talk about you? How come Auntie Hanna rolls her eyes every time I ask about you?"

Spencer swallowed around the lump in her throat because she still talked to Aria every now and then, but Hanna had cut her ties completely and refused to even acknowledge the history of her friendship with Spencer. It still hurt though, to hear that Hanna physically showed her distaste of Spencer around her own kids, the last thing she needed was the twins finding out exactly why she and Emily had broken up and gone their separate ways.

"Sometimes people get sad when they talk about stuff, and your Auntie Hanna is just frustrated with me cause of some stuff I did. Please don't worry so much, Beth. I love your Mommy very much and I always will, but I just don't love her in the way I did before." Spencer explained as she ran a hand through her dirty blonde locks, watching her sniffle before she nodded.

Lies.

That was all Spencer could think of as she said goodnight to her daughter and kissed her forehead before retreating to her bedroom and taking a shower; she thought about all the good times she had with her family, when she _had _a family. She thought about that woman she had slept with, the woman who had wrecked her life with a single flutter of her lashes. Spencer regretted her mistake every single day; she cursed herself for ruining everything that mattered.

The brunette climbed out of her shower and toweled off before throwing on a pair of shorts and a tank top, maneuvering her way into her bedroom as she readied herself for bed but suddenly the sound of soft footsteps caused her to jump and she spun around to see her three-year-old standing in the doorway with wet eyes and a sad expression; it was obvious to Spencer that he was heartbroken and for that reason hers cracked a little in return.

"Sorry, Mama." James whispered.

"Hey Jimmy-Jam, what are you doing up so late?" Spencer questioned softly as she walked over to the toddler and embraced him, the little boy swinging his legs up to rest on his mother's hips as he tucked his head in the crook of Spencer's neck and whimpered slightly causing Spencer to furrow her brow as she swayed him slightly. "Come on, buddy, you know I can't help you unless you talk to me. Tell Mama what's up."

"I has a bad dream." James replied as he snuggled further into the crook of Spencer's neck and exhaled loudly, the brunette holding the boy tighter as she felt his heart beat slow down and softly she pressed a kiss to his ear and hummed causing his eyes to flutter shut as he gave a soft yawn that alerted her of his tiredness and she smiled lightly.

"You wanna tell me about it?" Spencer questioned as she carried him over to the small couch in the corner of her room before sitting down, him still curled in her lap and her cheek now tilting to rest comfortably on the top of his head as she closed her eyes. "Maybe if you tell me what you were dreaming about I can help you feel better."

"Mommy was weal angry at you's and you's was screaming at her to be quiet so she didn't wake us up or nothing. But then you's got even madder and says you's was leaving, Mommy was weally, weally sad and she was cryin." James exclaimed and Spencer could feel his heated tears on her skin and Spencer sighed before biting her lower lip. "I didn't wike the dream one bit, it mades me miss Mommy lots and lots. I wants to see Mommy now, I miss her.

"Oh Jamie, you know I would let you see your Mommy if I could but she's at home sleeping right now. If you wait you'll get to see her real soon, but don't worry cause I won't ever let you be alone or scared. I promise I'll always be right here to protect you." Spencer assured him as he clung to her shirt, balling the material in his tiny fists as he sniffled and snuggled into her.

"Otay Mama, but I don't wanna lose you's either." James reminded her as he whimpered again and glanced at his mother who only gave him a dimpled grin in response and kissed the top of his dark brown locks, ruffling them softly as he tried to press a smile to his lips but found it be impossible. "I just was weally sad, I guess."

"You know, you shouldn't be so sad before you go to bed." Spencer chuckled as she kissed the top of his head and rocked her son back and forth with a small hum, his whimpers had slowed down to sniffles and she could tell he was practically fighting against the sleep that longed to take him in. "A happy boy means happy dreams and I don't want you to have sad dreams."

"That's what Mommy says." James mumbled and Spencer flinched at the mention of Emily again; Spencer sat in silence as her son cuddled into her chest and sighed in a content way, and as the lawyer felt his eyelashes fluttering she knew he was growing tired again, close to giving into sleep. "Can I sweep with you's tonight, Mama?"

"Yeah, how about I sing you to sleep?" Spencer suggested as she stood.

"Will you?" James gasped as he looked at Spencer with sparkling eyes; his mother hadn't sung to him in forever and it was one of the things that had always chased away the bad memories and dreams, and to have Spencer suggesting it to him she knew it was a great idea. "You's hasn't sung in so long, Mommy never sings to me!"

"I know, but you gotta promise not to have anymore nightmares." Spencer bargained as she glared playfully into the her eyes of her small son watching as his head bobbled eagerly while his tiny body squirmed in excitement before settling back down and snuggling in close. "Promise me that you'll fall asleep and have happy dreams about sports and your family."

"I promise," James assured her as he grinned brightly.

"You could be happy and I won't know, but you weren't happy the day I watched you go. And all the things that I wish I had not said are played in loops till its madness in my head. Is it too late to remind you how we were, but not our last days of silence, screaming, blur. Most of what I remember makes me sure, I should've stopped you from walking out the door."

Spencer laid James down on her bed, crawling in beside him and taking him in her arms so his head was resting comfortably on her chest as her fingers pulled through his dark locks while she kept her gaze focused on the wall before her. The words she sang rang true in her heart, she should've begged Emily for another chance and she should've done something to make her stay, but she didn't…she watched her go without a single word.

So many things had changed in both their lives and for the first time ever, Spencer hadn't the slightest clue what Emily was doing now, Aria refused to give her any information and Spencer was too big of a chicken to get up the nerve to ask Emily how she was. The brunette inwardly gave a bitter laugh, she figured Emily was just fine if she was chatting up Samara.

"You could be happy, I hope you are. You made me happier than I'd been by far; somehow everything I own smells of you and for the tinniest moment it's all not true. Do the things you always wanted to, without me there to hold you back don't think just do." Spencer sang gently as she held her son until his eyes trembled close and she sighed heavily and bit her lower lip, trying to remind herself that everything was going to be okay.

The brunette mother held the child to tighter before reaching out with her empty hand and pulling the red covers over both of them, running a hand over his forehead to smooth away the loose locks of honey hair as she sighed heavily and tried to fight the growing tears; who was she to cry? She had caused this mess, _she _had destroyed their family. She had taken Emily's love for granted and she was paying for it, every time she looked into the sad eyes of her kids she paid for it.

"More than anything I want to see you, girl, take a glorious bite of the whole world." Spencer finished up the song before kissing the top of James's head and snuggling against him, she slowly breathed in the stale air before allowing her eyes to flutter shut; her heart began to ache as she bit her lower lip and flinched when her tooth nicked the edge of the skin.

It hurt, everything hurt so bad.

* * *

><p><em>Every other Saturday, first thing in the morning, I turn the TV on to make the quiet go away. I know why, but I don't know why we ever let this happen; falling for forever was a big mistake. There's so much not to do and all day not to do it in, every other weekend.<em>

Emily lay in bed staring up at the ceiling, waiting for the sounds of her morning to begin but after fifteen minutes she realized that they weren't going to come; there was no sound of James running up and down the hallway with his cape on, Annabelle wasn't kicking her soccer ball against the wall or jogging around in search of her swimsuit, and Elizabeth wasn't pacing the hall with a book shoved in her face as she munched on her breakfast.

Eventually, Emily found the strength to get out of bed and throw on skinny jeans and a yellow tank-top before capturing her hair in a pony-tail and taking a moment to stare at the picture that was hung up on the wall of her bedroom; it was a picture of Emily standing in Spencer's arms while the brunette held a small James and Elizabeth and Annabelle laughed from their places on Spencer's back, all five looked so thrilled to be together and so safe.

The swimmer shook her head softly before turning away from the memory and galloping downstairs; the woman surveyed the quiet kitchen before setting to work on her coffee. It always took her awhile to make her coffee, first the smell of dark roast coffee wafted through the air before she added the coca powder and nonfat milk; it had taken her awhile to adjust to just making one cup of coffee instead of two, she didn't even buy Spencer's brand of coffee anymore.

Once her coffee was made, Emily fell upon the couch and curled her legs underneath herself before observing her toy scattered house and it made her smile for a moment, she knew that if she closed her eyes for long enough she would be able to hear the sounds of her kids laughing as they ran around and did their different activities for the day. The silence grew on Emily and she reached out quickly and grabbed the remote, flicking on the TV and frowning as the theme song for Yo Gabba Gabba came on.

"Figures," The brunette murmured as she took a sip of her coffee before the ringing of her doorbell broke her thoughts, the swimmer furrowing her brow before setting her drink on the coffee table and pushing herself off the couch and toward the door; when she pulled it open she couldn't keep the smile off her face as she looked at Hanna and Aria. "Hey, what are you two doing here?"

"It's Saturday, Em." Aria spoke softly as she gave the taller woman a half-smile, Emily nodding her head in recognition before she moved aside and allowed her best friends to enter, she was really lucky to have them in her life. "Ezra and Caleb took Drew and Layla to the zoo for the day and we figured we could just hang out, maybe watch a movie or something."

"Wow, it makes it seem like we're in high school. Are we going to do each other's nails too?" Hanna scoffed as she hip checked Aria playfully, the smaller brunette rolling her eyes as Hanna embraced Emily tightly and kissed her cheek. "We're here for moral support, Ms. Fitz over here just doesn't have the balls to say it. We know how rough these Saturdays are for you."

"There just like any other Saturday, Han." Emily replied as she pulled away from the fashion designer before turning and moving back to her couch, plopping down and sipping her drink as her eyes stared at the screen while a man in an orange suit bounced around with his toy puppets.

Emily could feel her friends' eyes upon her and she loved them for showing up, she really did, but the last thing she needed was their pity. This wasn't the first Saturday of the kids being at Spencer's, so she wasn't sure why they had randomly showed up; she usually just spent these Saturdays wondering what her family was doing without her, questioning herself on why she wasn't with them.

"Look, we know this isn't the first Saturday or whatever but you've been really off lately." Hanna explained as she dropped beside her friend, Aria settling in a chair across from them as she nodded before looking at Emily. "You won't go out to lunch with us, you haven't wanted to spend time with Layla or Drew, you barely let us see our godkids, and whenever we call you your always too busy to talk."

"Well, that's kind of what happens when you're a single mother of three." Emily shot back as she took a long drink of her coffee, keeping her gaze of her friends who were trading looks and she could feel her annoyance growing as they seemingly had a conversation between their gazes. "Guys, I love you but you don't need to worry about me. I'm doing fine, it's been a year since Spencer and I broke up and I'm going on a date with Samara tonight."

"You are? Em, that's great!" Aria exclaimed happily as she moved to sit on the other side of the tanned woman, slinging an arm over her shoulder and giving it a light squeeze. "I know how hard it is for you to do this, but Samara makes you happy. You guys had an amazing relationship before she moved away, maybe you can rekindle that."

"Ooh, rekindling the romance, I like it!" Hanna agreed as she wiggled her brow playfully before slowly straightening her face and staring into Emily's eyes. "Just remember, if she hurts you I can fire her ass in five seconds flat."

"You guys are amazing, y'know that?" Emily chuckled as she laid her head on Hanna's shoulder, reaching up with her empty hand to squeeze the hand Aria had rested over her shoulders; she had really gotten lucky with these two, they had stuck by her through everything and had always been the ones to boost her up when she hit her low. "I don't know where I'd be without you guys, I can't even imagine having to go through the divorce without you two. You've been my rocks."

"Yeah, yeah. I know _I'm _amazing, but Aria? I'm not seeing that." Hanna scoffed as she gave her friends a joking smirk and Aria frowned before reaching over Emily to swat the blonde and Hanna gasped before grabbing a pillow and rearing back to smack Aria with it, Emily hurrying to set her coffee aside so none of it got on the furniture. "I know you did not just hit me, it is so on!"

With that, a large pillow fight ensured and the three thirty-year-old women pounced on each other like they were still in high school; pillow flew, squeals echoed against the walls, and the friends laughed as they used all their energy beating each other up. After ten minutes, everything settled down and they found themselves laying on the floor with Hanna in the middle, Emily resting her head on Hanna's stomach while Aria's head was on the blonde's shoulder.

"Layla and I had a pillow fight last weekend…she's just like you, y'know?" Emily panted as she rolled her eyes up to stare into Hanna's blue orbs, watching the blonde smile in thought of her daughter because it was true; five-year-old Layla Emily Rivers had come out with Caleb's dark hair and Hanna's blue eyes and along with that came her mother's sharp tongue and sassy attitude.

"Yeah, and poor Drew got his father's dorky side." Hanna snorted, grunting as Aria smacked her in the stomach causing all three of the women to laugh; nine-year-old Drew Spencer Fitz was just like his father though, he loved reading and writing and was happy to just be around people who cared about him and cared about nature.

The three settled into a comfortable silence and Hanna reached down to play with a loose strand of Emily's hair, tugging on it playfully while Emily stared up at the ceiling again. She had so much to do, so many errands to run and she had all day to do it but she just couldn't find the will to get up and move. This was how she worked without the twins and James around, she just didn't have the motivation to move.

It had only been one day but every Saturday and Friday night Emily found herself missing different things about her kids; she missed James loud squeals as he raced around his room wearing his red Superman cape and the way he made a mess in the bathroom every morning in an attempt to spike his hair, she missed the way Elizabeth would constantly have a scrape or bruise from her walking into walls as she read her books, and she missed the way Annabelle's face would light up in a blush when she broke something from kicking her soccer ball into it.

"I miss my kids," Emily whispered sadly.

"I know." Hanna beamed before they rolled away from one another and tackled Emily in fierce bear hugs, holding her close to them as she sniffled and buried her face in Aria's neck while she clung to Hanna's hand and gave it a light squeeze. "Now, missy, someone needs to get ready for a hot date and we're going to help you with that!"

* * *

><p><strong>Every other Sunday, I empty out my backseat while my children hug their mother in the parking lot. We don't touch, we don't talk much maybe goodbye to each other, then she drives away with every piece of heart I've got. I reconvince myself we did the right thing again, every other weekend.<strong>

"Fuzzy and blue! I'm oh so fuzzy and blue, no other color will do, not when I'm beautifully blue!" Spencer sang as she glanced back in her rearview mirror, watching her three kids clap their hands as they danced in their seats while listening to the soundtrack for Sesame Street; their weekend had come to an end and Spencer was reluctantly taking them back to that parking lot.

"It's true, he's fuzzy and love. All over, fuzzy and blue, like Grover. Look at us two, we're fuzzy and blue, fuzzy and blue. I'm blue, I'm fuzzy. Fuzzy and blue, I'm blue, he's fuzzy. How do you do? We're fuzzy and blue!" The twins both sang out the words and Spencer laughed loudly as she watched them bounced in their seats, both turning to beam at each other.

Finally, Spencer turned the car into the lot and felt the air leave her lungs at the sight of Emily leaning against the car but quickly she controlled herself and cleared her throat, she had plenty of time to oogle over her ex-wife later right now she needed to focus on the moment. All three of the kids squealed and Spencer snapped her attention back to them, her SUV coming to a stop a few feet away from Emily's as the twins raced from the car and towards their mother.

"I don't wants you's to go, Mama." James whimpered as he poked out his lower lip, fidgeting with his hands as Spencer sat in silence for a long moment and Spencer gave a long heave of air before opening her door and getting it, but quickly she yanked open her son's door and scrambled to side beside him. "I wants you's to come home."

Spencer unbuckled her son and gathered him in her arms before pressing scattered kisses to the brunette locks, smoothing them back as she buried her nose against the three-year-old's head. She had been so lost in her own thoughts that she had forgotten how young James really was, he didn't understand what was going on and all he had seen was Spencer and Emily trade him off.

"I know you do, sweetie. I've hurt you so much and I hope one day you can forgive me for all of this. I love you so much and you were never ever suppose to feel this way." Spencer sniffled, kissing his head again before drawing away and staring into his brown eyes. "Just know that I love you with all of my heart and I'll never stop loving you, understand?"

"Yes ma'am," James sniffled.

The lawyer cleared her throat before sliding back out of the car, running her hand over her nose and eyes before she heard the familiar sound of a thud and glanced down to see James standing beside her with his hand outstretched. Carefully, she threaded their fingers and slid her black purse further up her shoulder before sucking in a breathe and making her way towards Emily and the twins.

"My Jimmy-Jam!" Emily exclaimed excitedly as she scooped him up and spun him in a circle, her lips falling upon his face as she pressed scattered kisses to him. "I missed you so much, buddy. There was no one around to help me do my errands."

Spencer smiled halfway as she soaked in the sight of Emily standing there with the wind barely catching at her hair, her brown eyes sparkling as she drifted her gaze from her son to the twins as if taking in the moment they were together again. The moment was broken though as Emily caught Spencer's eye and gave her a small smile, her hand outstretching and Spencer's eyebrows furrowed before she realized Emily was reaching for the bags in her hand.

"They were really good, we went to the park this morning and Anna kicked butt at her practice earlier, she scored three goals. Thankfully, Jamie didn't wet the bed and Beth only needed her inhaler twice." Spencer listed as she watched Emily nod happily before accepting the three bags, carrying James on her hip as she moved to throw the backpacks in the trunk before pausing in front of Spencer again. "Em, I was wondering if I could have them from Tuesday to Friday this week. I have those days off and my parents are supposed to be here in New York tomorrow."

"That sounds okay, just remember the twins are in school and they _will _have homework. Even if they say they don't, especially Anna." Emily chuckled as she glanced down at her playful five-year-old, watching the dirty blonde girl give her a beam as she rocked back and forth on her heels. "Also, we'll have to get together and discuss their weekly routine, so give me a call."

Spencer's heart leapt as she nodded in agreement, nervously fumbling over her keys as she stared into Emily's brown eyes and noticed the sparkle in them. For a moment, the two women lost themselves in one another and everything seemed to slip away; Spencer could feel all those good times replaying in her head and all the bad times followed close behind.

_The swimmer stood a few inches away from Spencer and the taller brunette dared her orbs to sneak a glance at the rigid woman, she couldn't understand why she was letting Emily slip through her fingers. There wasn't anything more she wanted to do than have the woman back in her arms. They had both made their mistakes, Spencer knew that, but she knew Emily just couldn't find the will to look past it._

"Okay, well, kids say goodbye to Mama." Emily ordered in a quiet tone as she set her son down before ushering her kids forward and watched them all wrap their arms around Spencer's legs and beg her not to go and Spencer winced before hugging them back. "Guys, we gotta hurry. We're having dinner with Auntie Hanna and Uncle Caleb tonight."

"Bye Mama, I love you." Elizabeth whispered as she pressed a quick kiss to Spencer's cheek before turning her back and shooting one last sad smile over her shoulder as she scrambled into a red SUV with the help of Emily.

"See you on Tuesday, Mama." Annabelle waved as she gave Spencer a single squeeze before skipping her way into the car and leaping in to sit beside her sister as Emily gave her a smile and ruffled her dirty blonde locks.

"Bye-bye, Mama, I loves you lots and lots." James whimpered as he held tightly to Spencer and seemingly wouldn't let go so Spencer did the only thing she could and held tighter to her son, enjoying their last embrace for the next few days; she couldn't wait to have them back with her on Tuesday, she hated parting with them like this.

"Okay Spiderman, you've gotta go. I'll see you soon, I love you." Spencer smiled, kissing the top of his brunette curls and attempting to pull away but the boy only groaned and tightened his legs around Spencer's hips before snuggling his head in her neck and Spencer laughed before raising her eyes to look at Emily who was watching in amusement. "Do you mind getting our son off?"

"Okay, Jimmy-Jam, we've gotta go." Emily laughed before she closed the distance between her and Spencer and as she tucked her hands under his armpits her gaze locked with Spencer's, only inches separating them and Spencer could feel her heart beginning to race; for a moment the taller brunette thought of simply pressing her lips to her ex-wife's but that thought was pushed away as Emily moved back slowly. "I'll see you Tuesday."

The words echoed in Spencer's ear as she watch Emily turn and settled James in his car seat, making a production of fastening the various safety harnesses in an effort to keep a modicum of distance from the woman still occupying her space. Spencer recognized the awkwardness of the situation, the momentary exchange with Emily had left all of her neurons misfiring.

The lawyer took a few seconds to recover, during which her hands returned to their default position, resting on her hips as she stared at the asphalt below and she frowned as the sound of the car door slamming was heard causing her eyes to lift, "I'll call you tomorrow and you can fill me in on their schedule."

"Sounds good, I'll talk to you then." Emily nodded and Spencer let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding and watched her ex-wife turn to her car and she paused herself as Emily glanced over her shoulder and gave her one of those famous mischievous grins. "Oh and Spence? Smile, you're always beautiful when you smile."

Spencer attempted to form an answer but Emily had already climbed in her car and started it up, Spencer trailing the car as it pulled from the lot and drove off into the distance. Spencer laughed quietly to herself as she attempted to get her racing heart and blushing cheeks under control while she stumbled her way towards her car and as she climbed into the driver's side she thought about her son and smiled to herself.

"That's my boy."


	2. Stupid Poem, Could Fix This Home

_It's hard to wake up when the shades have been pulled shut, this house is haunted and it's so pathetic, it makes no sense at all. I'm ripe with things to say, the words rot and fall away. What stupid poem could fix this home? I'd read it every day._

Annabelle Hanna Hastings lay in her bed with her brown eyes glued to her plastic star decorated ceiling, she had been counting them for the last fifteen minutes and she was up to fifty-three; the five-year-old child had climbed into bed the second she and the rest of her family had arrived back from her weekend with Spencer. The brunette child missed her other mother more than anything, she wanted her family back and it hurt too much to pretend like she was fine. She hated the laughs and smiles she faked and she hated the way her mothers acted like nothing had ever changed.

The powder blue walls surrounding her were decorated with various ribbons and pictures, a majority of the photos encasing a simpler time when she wasn't being volleyed from one mother to the other every other weekend, a time when she actually had a family. In those pictures, memories were frozen in time and there were smiles that could never be erased and laughter she could still hear whenever she closed her eyes tight enough and thought back to the vacations to Hawaii and winter breaks spent visiting her Aunt Melissa and her grandparents back in Rosewood.

Sighing, Annabelle rolled onto her side and curled her knees up to her chest as she gazed at the photo hung up on her wall of her and Spencer right after she had won her first soccer game at the age of four; Spencer had placed Annabelle on her shoulders and had allowed the child to happily thrust her golden trophy high in the air as Emily stood close by with James on one hip and holding tight to Elizabeth's hand…it was the last family photo they ever took. Two days after that exciting game, Spencer and Emily had sat the twins down and explained how they weren't going to be together anymore and how Spencer would be leaving the house in a few days.

Her heart had been broken and so had her life, with just a short speech her world had been torn into pieces and thrown around. The next month was spent watching as Spencer slowly moved her items out of the house and Emily had become more and more withdrawn from everything, choosing to disappear into a shell as the house they had built together was taken apart thing by thing. Annabelle had simply swallowed her tears and instead focused on making sure her twin sister and little brother were okay, she had been the one to remain strong in such a difficult time.

"Anna?" The dirty blonde rolled to face the door and forced a smile when she saw her twin sister step inside, her look alike shutting the door softly as she pattered her way over and bounced to sit beside her twin sister as she heaved a long breathe. "Y'know, you could've just said you were sad about Mama leaving, you didn't have to run away from Mommy like that. Now Mommy is upset and Jamie won't come out of his room, everyone in this house in stuck in a funk."

"What do you expect it to be like, Elizabeth? Mama and Mommy don't love each other anymore, we don't have a family." Annabelle snapped as she glared at her sister, they may have been identical in the feature area but personality wise they were polar opposite. "Drew said that you only have a family if you have two parents and we truly only have one. We have Mama every other Saturday and we have Mommy for the rest of the time."

"We do too have a family, Anna! Drew is just stupid. Mommy says that no matter what we're a family, even if Mama lives in a different house. We have Auntie Hanna and Auntie Aria, and we have Uncle Caleb and Uncle Ezra…we don't need to have two parents." Elizabeth pouted as she huffed and crossed her arms over her chest in defiance before looking her twin over once. "Mommy says our family is special, I think your just being a party pooper."

"Our family is special because it doesn't exist. Get your head out of the clouds, sis." Annabelle scoffed before she frowned at her look alike and rolled back to face away from the other girl, her back to the door as she burrowed her face in her pillow as the tears burned hot trails down her cheeks while she sighed. "Get out of my room, please."

Annabelle squeezed her eyes shut as she felt her mattress lose the weight of her sister before the sound of her door closing echoed throughout the air, she was once again alone. At five-years-old the child had long ago let go of the magic of fairytales and make believe, she had always been told she was so much like her Mama and from what she could tell her Mama Spencer wasn't the type of person to worry about the thought of Santa or the magic of the tooth fairy.

"Anna Banana, there's a soccer game on. Wanna come watch with me?" Emily questioned as she popped into her young daughter's room, her mouth etching into a frown as she noticed the fetal position of her child; Emily couldn't tell if Annabelle was tired or if something was bothering her, the swimmer had always been better at reading Elizabeth while Spencer had known Annabelle like the back of her hand and for a moment she wished her ex-wife was here to help her break through the walls of Annabelle. "Sweetie, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I don't want to watch the game, that's my thing with Mama." Annabelle reminded the woman as she curled further into her pillow and sniffled lightly, her eyes rolling as she felt the telltale sign of her mother's weight pressing into her mattress, the warmth of Emily's body settling against her back as the swimmer curled against her and tried to take away the pain that was evident in the statue her child had made of her body. "I don't want to be sad, Mommy. I don't wanna be okay. I want you and Mama to be in love again."

"I know you do, baby. I know you want your Mama to come home and you want us to work everything out, but we can't do that. It's too late to do all of that." Emily whispered and Annabelle's chest tightened as she sniffled before turning her body to face Emily, burying herself in her mother's chest and soaking the woman's shirt with her warm tears. "If I could give you that I would, Anna. I would give you the world, but I can't, all I can do is love you. Your Mama and I love you so much and that will never change, you have to understand that."

Annabelle shook with sobs as she wrapped her mother's blouse in her fists and released all the pent up anger and sadness she had. The five-year-old cried for the family she had lost, and the lies that had been told and she cried for the fact that the normality she craved so much would never be found. Her tears ran and came faster as she let out all her fears and allowed her mother to wipe them away, one by one. She was stuck in a house full of memories that would never fade, and love that would forever surround her but always being missing something.

She could never look at her kitchen without seeing her Mama dancing around in her pajamas with James held high above her head and Annabelle balancing herself on her feet as Elizabeth clung to Spencer's back while Emily watched with a smile on her face. Annabelle would never be able to walk through the room without reminiscing on the times she'd peek her little head around the corner and watch as Spencer and Emily talked together quietly as they prepared meals for their children while snatching occasional kisses that they believed were secret but truly a warmth that embraced Annabelle.

The five-year-old knew she wouldn't be able to sit on that ragged old midnight blue chair that was off in the corner of the living room, she knew that sitting there would only stir up old times of being perched in Spencer's lap as the brunette woman read to her of lands she longed to escape to and places she dreamed of visiting. She also knew that every time she passed that room she'd recall the times when Emily would leave for a weekend swim meet and they'd clear the furniture and have nights of playing board games and laughing as the games dissolved into popcorn fights.

Every room in this household would bring Annabelle back to a time when things seemed right, when things actually had a meaning. But being wrapped in Emily's arms and smelling the familiar vanilla brought an ounce of security to her as she tried to evaporate in the cuddle, but the feeling of her mother's fingers running through her hair kept her grounded as she let loose a wave of emotion she had fought so hard to keep bottled up. And as she drown in the waters of reality, Annabelle allowed her mind to drift and she clung to the memories that would always be there.


	3. I Can't Go On Till You Believe

_Everybody's laughing in my mind, rumors spreading about this other guy. Do you do what you did the way you do with me? Does he love you the way I can? Did you forget all the plans that you made with me? Cause, baby, I didn't_

Pain.

That's all Emily could process as she clasped upon her bed and curled into her pillows, her knees drawing themselves to her chest as they tears continued to rain down her face; life had thrown her a curve ball and now she wasn't so sure she would be able to get over the pain that had taken over her body. Reality had slapped her in the face when she had stumbled across a heartbreaking rumor…Toby and Spencer had gone on a date. Hanna and Caleb had been out for their date night and had run across the pair cuddled up in a booth at a French restaurant and the blonde had reported back to Emily that night.

The thought made the swimmer's heart ache, but she really didn't have any right to be mad at Spencer for moving on. She was with Samara, she had taken the first step and had let Spencer go and now the lawyer was just following in her footsteps. They had been divorced for almost two years and neither had ever thought they'd love again, but Emily had managed to open her heart for Samara and apparently Spencer had done the same with Toby. What was with these high school flings coming back? Emily had believed escaping from Rosewood had helped her escape her past girlfriends, but apparently all her problems had followed right behind her.

Emily's eyes closed tightly as she remembered all the plans she and Spencer had made once upon a time, the flashes of soft spoken secrets shared in the middle of the night as they lay together and listened to make sure none of their children had fled from their bedrooms. Smiles and laughs had been shared as they plotted for a future they'd never get to have, promises were made some pinky promises while other just simply sealed with a kiss and now…now Emily was going to have to make promises with someone else. Those plans of growing old together and traveling to California when their children were grown were now just distant memories, memories that made Emily wish she could go back in time and just stop her wife from ever hiring that bitch that caused this whole mess.

She couldn't ever imagine someone else caring for Spencer the way she did, she couldn't imagine having someone else kiss Spencer the way she had all those times, and she certainly couldn't see someone loving the brunette woman the way she did. No one would smile whenever Spencer woke up with a mess of bed head and sleepy eyes, no one could find it adorable when the lawyer pouted if she didn't get her Captain Crunch, and not everyone would fall more in love with the woman whenever she was simply outside playing with three kids who made Emily's world go round. The swimmer knew Toby could never love Spencer in the ways she did.

"Mommy, what are you doing all alone?" A little body flew onto her waist and Emily quickly wiped away the tears that were on her face, trying to make sure her daughter didn't see them, she didn't need Elizabeth to worry; the little dirty blonde was already the one who could sense all the drama between her mothers and Emily didn't feel like upsetting her child anymore than she already was right now. "Mommy, why are you crying?"

"Mommy wasn't crying, honey…" Emily began, but she was cut off by her daughter's glare and quickly the swimmer backtracked and watched as Elizabeth looked down at her dress before scooting to straddle her mother's waist as she stared up at her and titled her head to the side with an expression that matched Spencer's all too well.

"I see the tears on your face, Mommy. You always say lying is bad, don't lie to me, Mommy." Elizabeth whispered sadly as she looked into her mother's brown eyes and Emily's eyes watered up again at the sincerity and concern lacing her daughter's tiny voice and her lower lip quivered as Elizabeth removed the small frown from her face and stared at her mother with large brown orbs full of innocence and magic causing the swimmer's lower lip to tremble as she watched her daughter. "What's the matter, Mommy? Why are you so sad?"

"Mommy just misses someone and sometimes everyone needs to cry a little." Emily explained softly as she ran a hand through her daughter's dirty blonde and stared into her eyes causing Elizabeth to smile lightly before relaxing into the touch and waiting for a deeper explanation as to what was bothering her normally strong mother. "Mommy's just was feeling a little sad today, but I feel so much better now that you're here with me. I'm sorry if I made you sad, sweetheart."

"I'm not sad, Mommy. The only time I'm sad is if you or Mama is sad, then I feel really upset but that's only sometimes." Elizabeth shrugged before giving Emily a beaming smile and wiggling till she was on her knees in Emily's laps, her lips descending onto her mother's cheeks as Emily giggled and began to tickle the tiny five-year-old back; this was something that Emily always did with the kids when they were upset, she'd grab them around the waist and tickle them till they were smiling.

Her mother was too big to swing around so Elizabeth just settled for kissing all over her mother's cheeks and hugging her tightly till Emily finally breathlessly ordered her daughter to stop and then she kissed the small child's forehead and they sat in silence for a long moment, both just basking in the attention they were able to give one another. The swimmer kissed her daughter's head again as she settled back in the bed, Elizabeth scrambling to lie next to her as she rested her head on Emily's chest and curled the woman's sweater in her fist.

"Thank you, little angel, that was just what Mommy needed." Emily whispered against the skin of her kid's soft head, Elizabeth snuggling into the crook of her mother's neck as she breathed heavily to catch her long gone breathe before her eyes fluttered shut and Emily smiled before dragging a hand through curls that caught on the tips of her fingers and tickled her palm when brushing against it just right. "I love you so much, Beth."

"I love you too, Mommy." Elizabeth replied.

**You said you needed a little time for my mistakes, it's funny how you used that time to have me replaced. Did you think that I wouldn't see you out at the movies? What'cha doing to me? Your taking him were we used to go. Now if your trying to break my heart, it's working.**

"Y'know, when I came here I never thought I'd ever run into you again. I really and truly thought we'd be over forever, I'm glad we refound each other." Toby sighed as he walked alongside Spencer, their fingers threaded together causing the lawyer to shift nervously as they wondered towards the entrance of the movie theater where groups of people were heading in for late night shows. "I'm truly glad that you gave me another chance, I think destiny is the one who sent me to assist the addition to your law firm. Don't you think?"

Spencer nodded absently along with each word that came pouring out of Toby's mouth, she had been doing this all night because the last thing on her mind was what he was saying. The lawyer kept flashing back to the date in the restaurant where Hanna had stared at her like the devil incarnated and when she had spotted Toby, Spencer swore the blonde's head was going to explode. She could only imagine what the woman had told Emily about the scene she had seen, Toby and Spencer had been curled up close together and his lips had been pressing teasing kisses along her neck while whispering sweet nothings into her ear and the brunette had gone along with it just because she had missed that type of physical contact.

Now, it had been a few weeks and she and Toby were going strong so tonight they had enjoyed a nice dinner and were heading to the old movie theater that Emily had taken Spencer multiple times on their date nights. The place hadn't changed at all and Spencer breathed in the smell of popcorn and floor cleaner as she smiled softly and curled into Toby's side, trying to pretend that the hand in her own belonged to a beautiful swimmer rather than a handsome constructor worker. As Spencer's eyes traveled around the length of the theater she paused when she caught sight of a familiar flash of brunette locks and a laugh she knew all too well followed closely.

"Jimmy-Jam?"

The three-year-old whirled around and his eyes brightened as he caught sight of his mother, the hand he was grappling quickly released as he dodged people before slamming into his mother's legs and beginning to babble excitedly about how happy he was to see her. Instantly, Spencer's hand left Toby's as she grabbed her son under the armpits and hauled him up onto her hip pressing a soft kiss to his forehead as she closed her eyes and clutched him tight. She had missed him, it had been a few days since she had seen him but yet it felt like it had been years; the brunette smiled again as her five-year-old twins came rushing forward with wild yells as they crashed into her and strung their arms tightly around her waist.

"Hey you three, what are you doing here?" Spencer laughed as she kissed James's head again before setting him back on his feet and squatting down so she was level with all three of her children as she reached up to run a hand over Annabelle's cheek before brushing a strand of Elizabeth's hair behind her ear. "Isn't it a Friday night? Don't you usually go to your Auntie Hanna's for dinner? You know, have your usual sleepover with Layla and Drew?"

"We came here with Mommy and Samara, it's a family outing." Annabelle recited happily as she flashed her mother a bright grin before bouncing on the tips of her toes and watching as Spencer's face completely dropped before all the attention she had focused on her children drifted to where Emily and Samara were standing a few feet away with their fingers laced and indifferent expressions on both their faces; the brunette lawyer swallowed around the lump in her throat before pushing herself into a standing position and watching as her ex-wife shifted nervously before Samara offered her a comforting smile and leaned down to press a kiss to her temple.

Spencer felt her heart breaking as she watched the way Emily dipped her head before she glanced up to Samara with stars in her eyes, it was easy to see the swimmer was wrapped into Samara's mind games and was obviously happy. The woman gently cupped each one of her children's heads before pressing kisses to their foreheads, standing herself as she felt Toby slide up behind her and rest a possessive hand upon her lower back as his gray eyes narrowed towards Emily who was approaching the group of five with a hesitant smile on her face. The second Emily was in reaching distance, the woman leant down and scooped James into her arms before settling him upon her hip and watching as Elizabeth totted her way to Samara's side and grabbed a hold of the blonde's hand.

"Samara, did you convince Mommy to get the good popcorn?" Annabelle asked as she bounced her way to the blonde's side and glanced up at her, the woman smiling as she nodded her head and winked at the little five-year-old girl who squealed and crashed into her for a hug; Samara laughed as she used her free hand to pat the small child's back before glancing down at Elizabeth who beamed back up at her. "You're the best ever, Samara! Mommy never gets the good popcorn with the extra butter!"

Spencer watched the scene with horror in her orbs as she saw the way Samara flickered her gaze to each one of her children, her blue eyes taking in everything that once was Spencer's. James wiggled his fingers in a way that had Samara reaching out to him, the three-year-old grinning as he settled upon the woman's hip before resting a head on her shoulder and both twins stared up at the woman with stars in their orbs and awe in their smiles. Frowning, Spencer grabbed a hold of Emily's arm before leading her to the side where the swimmer struggled to follow, a scowl firmly planted in place as they reached a safe distance and turned to look at each other.

"Spencer, what in the hell do you think your doing?" Emily growled as she jerked her arm free of the lawyer's grip, watching as Spencer stared down at her with fire in her hazel orbs before she clinched her teeth and shook her head.

"I don't want her around my kids, Emily." Spencer hissed as she stared down at her ex-wife who furrowed her brow before gapping, she could see the swimmer was confused but Spencer didn't think she could swallow the way James had looked up at Samara like she was the best thing to ever walk into his life; it physically pained her to see her kids so smitten by someone who wasn't her. "She is trying to take my place in their eyes, I can already see it. I don't feel comfortable with you exposing your relationship to them either, they need time to heal."

"Your being dramatic, Spencer. Samara isn't trying to take anyone's place, she's just being nice to them because she cares. And who are you to tell me how to raise them and what to expose them to? They need happy in their life right now, and Samara and I are happy." Emily hissed back and Spencer's heart broke in her chest as she watched her ex-wife look over her shoulder to Samara who was watching the two of them with a curious expression upon her face. "Samara makes me smile and the kids absolutely adore her, so no I'm not going to keep her away because your insecure. You chose your job over your kids a long time ago and I'm sorry your just now realizing that."

"Emily, it's not fair that your exposing them so soon whether they need love or not. We're supplying them with enough anyway, and they have Aria and Hanna." Spencer pointed out in a desperation for her ex-wife to see that their three kids were surrounded by enough of that emotion, she just couldn't stand the thought of someone else holding her wife the way she used to; she had seen the look on Samara's face, the way the blonde's eyes never strayed too far away from Emily and was continuously taking peeks their way to ensure herself that Emily was okay. "Look, I get that you've moved on and that's perfectly fine but talk to me before you start showing off your new girlfriend to our kids."

"Okay, says the woman whose out on a date with a man!" Emily snarled as she glared harshly at the tall lawyer but suddenly the feeling of a hand on her lower back caused her to stop short in her anger as she looked up to see Samara giving her a soft smile with her blue eyes full of something that washed through her and calmed her completely down; the swimmer sunk into the hand before looking up to see Spencer and shaking her head. "I have to go, the movie is about to start. I'll see you this Saturday when I drop the kids off, hope your date goes okay."

Spencer watched as her kids and ex-wife walked away with Samara Cook, and she allowed her eyes to flutter shut as she breathed in as much air as she could before allowing them to pull themselves back open as she glared after the form of Samara. With a shake of her head, Spencer moved back towards Toby who gave her a soft half-smile before extending his hand and the woman glanced at it for a long minute before finally giving in and enveloping the warm palm in her own but in the back of her mind she couldn't help but compare it to the soft touch of Emily's hand that used to rest so perfectly in her own. The lawyer allowed herself to be led into the movie theater, she allowed Toby to slip an arm around her shoulders as she rested her head on his shoulder, and she allowed herself to forget that her ex-wife, the woman she still loved, had found happiness in someone else.

_Ooh, ooh I need to know should I fight for love, or disarm. It's getting harder to shield, it's breaking my heart._

The cliché sounds of children laughing and screaming filled the air around Hanna and Emily as they parked themselves at a secluded bench, both watching their children race around as they interacted with children that would later become a distant memory. The two women were enjoying the presence of one another, both glad to be getting away from their houses and jobs in an attempt to discover some innocence that was found by the sounds of their happy kids. Emily waved at her three-year-old as James parked himself at the top of the slide before flying down, his tiny legs carrying him off as he went back for another round.

Elizabeth and Annabelle were playing hopscotch with a group of girls, Layla clinging to the back of Annabelle's dress as strangers gathered around them and chattered happily with the dirty blonde twins; while Layla might have possessed Hanna's personality, the only thing she seemed to linger away from was the ability to make friends with anything that had a heartbeat. The child would cautiously cower behind the closet person she knew, choosing to play with people she was used to seeing instead of happily blending into a group of strangers like normal kids her age.

"Okay, Emmykins, what's on your mind? You've been distracted since we left the mall, I know your thinking face when I see it." Hanna accused as she turned her head to stare at her best friend, watching closely as the swimmer began to fidget and pull at a loose string on her jeans. "Nuh-uh, your reverting back to your high school nervous routine, this has to do with Spencer. The only time you tug on your jeans is when you and Spence had problems. You guys have marriage problems?"

"Seeing as we haven't been married for almost two years, I'm going to go ahead and shoot that idea down. It has nothing to do with marriage or anything remotely close to it, it has to do with the fact that she's getting touchy about the custody arrangement." Emily huffed as she released the hold on the string, folding her arms over her chest as she stared across the park and half-smiled at the sight of James laughing with a blonde kid. "She's wanting them more often and she says she's thinking about taking more days off so she can have them sometimes during the week, this week she asked if she could have them. Since when has work stopped mattering to her?"

Hanna frowned at the anger in Emily's voice, the other woman had never been hostile towards Spencer in any way when it came to the kids. At the beginning of the divorce both Aria and Hanna had urged Emily to push for full, permanent custody but the dark haired woman had been against it stating that she would never need to worry about Spencer trying to take the kids away from her; so for years the two women had been civil about it, but apparently things had changed. As Hanna's brain churned with thoughts the anger she felt began to rise as she pictured Spencer taking the kids away from Emily, she strongly believed the lawyer didn't deserve them.

"It's amazing how once upon a time Spencer used to be the core of our group, the one to keep us all together. How could she possibly think that we'd let her take the kids away from you? How could she believe that _you'd _let her take the kids away from you?" Hanna demanded as she furrowed her brow, temptation eating away at her as her fingers itched to text Aria the update on the drama; sighing, she focused her attention back on Emily and figured the other woman needed her more than Aria needed the nail biting update. "Look, Em, Spencer isn't going to get those kids, I promise."

"No, I just realized how big of a bitch I sounded when I was saying all that stuff. I just…I _miss _her." The brunette whispered as she bowed her head, chewing at her lower lip as she fought the tears building up in her eyes. "I miss our life together and how easy it was, I miss the laughter from the kids when they tackled her as she got home from work, I miss the family lunches Spencer would surprise us with, but mostly I just miss my wife. I miss the woman who kissed me when I was freaking out and the woman who would never let anything come between us. After she cheated, it was like a whole different person came in to live Spencer's life for her."

Hanna frowned a little before scanning the swimmer over once and a spark of realization hit her as she noticed the familiar look shining through Emily's eyes, "Emily, you can't make excuses for what Spencer did to you. She cheated on you, she can't ever erase that, but I want you to know that I stand by you in whatever you decide to do next."

"What are you talking about?" Emily scoffed as she gazed into the icy blue eyes of her best friend while watching her arch her brow and watching as Hanna rolled her orbs before glancing out at their kids who had somehow managed to form a large circle and were throwing a red ball in between them while laughter ripped through the fall air.

"A long time ago you showed up at my house in tears and we sat down with chocolate chip ice cream and watched The Notebook three times before I finally got you to spill your guts. That night was the first time you ever outright admitted that you were in love with Spencer and you were scared, that was the first time I've ever seen you so absolutely terrified that you couldn't breathe. You were so angry at yourself, angry that you had fallen for your own best friend." Hanna chuckled, shaking her head humorlessly before glancing over at her friend and watching her face crumble in confusion. "Sweetie, you've got that same look on your face."

"Wh…no! No, no I don't feel that way for her anymore." Emily argued as she shook her head defiantly, tightening the arms crossed over her chest as she nibbled her lower lip and furrowed her brow before sending a nervous glance to the blonde beside her who was wearing her famous know-it-all look and quickly her defense faded as the protective walls she had built up slowly began to crash down around her in slow movements. "I can't go there, Hanna. Not after everything she put me through, my heart won't be able to take it if she breaks it again."

"I just don't understand, Em. You could have Spencer back, you know as well as I do that Spencer never really got over you." Hanna pointed out and she watched the brunette woman shift nervously and clear her throat before shaking her head again; the blonde designer breathed in through her nose before shaking her head at how complicated her best friend could be about everything. "Okay, fine Emily Fields, tell me what's keeping you from sweeping your ex-wife off her feet again? What's keeping you from giving her the happy ever after you both so desperately are searching for?"

"Samara. She's perfect, Han. She makes me so happy and she makes me feel like I can actually have a future again. Every time I'm with her it's like I can't stop smiling, she just knows exactly how to fill that hole that Spencer left in my heart. Plus, she's absolutely amazing with the kids." Emily replied as she ran a hand through her dark locks before smiling at the thought of her blonde girlfriend. "Anna thinks she can do no wrong and Samara is always up for playing soccer with her, Beth practically worships the ground she walks on and the two of them are always buried in a book, and sometimes I think Jamie likes her better than me…you should see how good she is with him."

Hanna was shocked by the spark that lit up Emily's eyes as she spoke about Samara, the blonde had truly believed that Emily wasn't over Spencer but now she was second guessing it. The fashion designer corked her lips at the corners as she remembered how happy Samara had been walking into work the day after her date with Emily, the other blonde had been all smiles and excitement. With a sigh and a shake of her head, Hanna reached out and brushed a strand of Emily's hair behind her ear before remembering exactly why this woman was so easy to fall in love with. Emily loved with her whole heart and soul and never gave anything less than one hundred percent, it wasn't a surprise that Samara had come back from their first date completely smitten.

"But then there's times when I wonder if there's still something else left for Spencer and I, but then I have to remember Samara and it's…I just get so jumbled up." Emily admitted with a shake of her head as she ran a hand over her face before biting her lower lip. "God, that must have been so confusing. I'm such a total spaz, you must be so annoyed."

Hanna huffed a breathe before clicking her tongue and tilting her head to the side as she observed the sulking swimmer, "No, I understand. I just think that you doubt what you have with Samara because your still hung up on Spencer. Face it, Emily, you are still helplessly in love with that woman. She's the mother of your children and is your soul mate, I may be mad at her for what she did but that doesn't mean I can't forgive her along the line. I know how much she means to you and I know you want to be with her, so why don't you just admit it? What are you so afraid of? Spencer loves you too, I can see the way she looks at you every other Saturday. She never got over you, Em."

"I can't do it, Hanna. I can't put my heart out there for her to break again, I can't look at her without seeing a woman who went behind my back and slept with someone else. I can't handle the thought of being with someone who fucked another woman because we were having problems. There's a million reasons why I can't be with her and I just don't think you'd understand them." Emily explained in a whisper as she swallowed around the lump in her throat while trying to fight back the tears that were begging to pour down her cheeks.

"Try me,"

All three of Emily's kids came rushing towards them before Emily could consider answering and quickly they piled onto their mother's lap, laughing together and Emily smiled before wrapping her arms around the trio and kissing each one of their heads. Layla flew into Hanna's lap a second later and the fashion designer glanced up to see Emily looking at her and those brown eyes gave Hanna all the answers she needed to know; the reason Emily couldn't be with Spencer again was the three children laughing and talking eagerly to her in her lap.


	4. Even If It Takes Forever

**__A/N: Geez, talk about having some major writers block...this story is kicking my butt, I'm so for Spemily but I'm having some doubts as I keep on writing Samara into this. So I need you help, what do you guys want? Would you like some more Samara or do you just want me to get rid of her and give you back Spemily?**

* * *

><p><em>If you see him, tell him I wish him well. How am I doing? Well, sometimes it's hard to tell. I still miss him more than ever. But please don't say a word. If you see him. Oh, if you see him.<em>

Emily Fields smiled as she sat with her elbow propped up on her mattress, staring down at the sleeping form of Samara Cook who was peacefully breathing while her nose crinkled every few seconds; the blonde woman had spent the night and Emily had awoken to see her girlfriend dreaming away and a lightness had filled the swimmer's chest before a lump grew in her throat. She had forgotten the feeling, the feeling of contentment, ever since Spencer had left she had awoken to an empty bed and had always spent her time wishing there was someone there to occupy the other side…now there was. Samara moaned softly as she squirmed in the bed before her eyes slowly pulled open and she stared at the other woman who couldn't help but allow a wide smile to spread over her lips.

"Mmm, good morning. Were you just staring at me?" Samara chuckled in a sleep filled voice, sitting up in the comfortable bed before stretching her hands up above her head and smiling at the swimmer who blushed lightly and pulled her lower lip into her mouth causing Samara to melt at the adorable expression; the blonde wasn't going to deny that Emily Fields had her wrapped around her finger again, it was so easy to fall in love with the Olympic winner. "You, Emily Fields, really know how to cause heart problems for a woman. You are the most adorable thing I have ever laid my eyes on, and believe me I've seen some quite adorable things. Like your kids."

"You're pretty adorable yourself, Samara Cook." Emily whispered as she leaned down, brushing her lips against the blonde's causing her girlfriend to sigh happily as she burrowed into the brunette's hold and allowed the swimmer to wrap her arms tight around the designer who was content to rest forever in Emily's arms; Emily smiled lightly as she heard the tell signs of her children awakening from their slumbers, a soccer ball already being kicked and a squeal leaving one of her daughter's mouths. "Brace yourself, the troops have awakened."

"Mommy!" James squealed as he rushed into the room, still dressed in his Spiderman pajamas and his head holding a case of some serious bed head, the three-year-old grinned as he scrambled upon the bed before pausing as he caught sight to of Samara; unconsciously he tilted his head to the side at the sight of the blonde woman, he loved having her around but he couldn't quite figure out why she was sleeping in his mother's bed with her and for a moment he stared before turning his attention to the said blonde who simply gave him a happy, little grin. "Sam-Sam, why you's still here? Why are you's sweeping in my mommy's bed wight now? Did you's guys has a sweepover?"

"Kinda, buddy. Samara spent the night with mommy because she's mommy's special friend. And guess what mommy's special friend is going to do for you this morning…? She's going to make you these extra special chocolate chip pancakes!" Emily enthused with a brightened expressions as she unwrapped herself from the blonde's hold and scooped her son up around the waist, the three-year-old squealing loudly as he curled his legs up unconsciously and allowed himself to be twirled around in happiness. "What do you say to that, little man? Do you want Samara to make you chocolate chip pancakes?" The little boy nodded excitedly before the swimmer turned her attention to her smirking girlfriend. "The king has spoken, babe. Time for those amazing pancakes you used to make me."

"Ugh, I think I'm just being used in this relationship. I've become your personal cook, this is the third time I've cooked for you guys in a week and I'm already cooking my special pancakes. Is that all I'm good for? Cooking for you guys?" Samara sighed as she playfully sniffled acting out as if she was crying before James giggled and leaped from his mother's arms onto the bed to pile himself against the sniffling blonde woman who groaned as the small toddler landed upon her lap causing her to fall back against the bed as she sat up and playfully ruffled his brunette locks. "Oof, dang boy, you got some air on that jump."

"Mommy! I'm hungry and we're out of my favorite…Samara?" Elizabeth came to a halt as she noticed the blonde woman sitting up in Emily's bed and quickly her confusion melted into excitement as she powered toward the blonde with a glint in her eyes that was all Hastings and it made the smallest of smiles appear on Emily's lips. "Yeah! You're here early!"

"Yep, Sam-Sam is gonna makes us cakes! Wif chocolate!" James giggled to his sister who eagerly scrambled up to lay before the pair as Emily watched and soon Annabelle came peeking around the doorway and her squeal gave away her happiness at seeing Samara and soon the swimmer found her girlfriend completely bombarded with her children all dog piling her against the soft mattress; Emily couldn't help but smile with adoration shining through at how happy the four of them looked together, this was the first time in a long time the brunette wasn't waking up wondering how she was going to make the morning a good one for her kids. "I's so hungry, I wants to eat now!"

"Whoa there, champ, I have to cook them first. It'll be a couple of minutes before you can stuff your mouth, okay?" Samara chuckled as she pressed a kiss to his locks before squirming around causing the kids to get the hint and move off of their mother's girlfriend as they powered toward Emily and the swimmer's eyes widened before she caught James in her arms and allowed the twins to wrap themselves around her legs and sit down on her feet; Samara watched them with the same adoration Emily had, wondering if this was going to become her life, wondering if she had finally found her happy ever after. "Okay, so I'm going to need three assistants to help me cook. One to crack the eggs, one to stir the mixture together, and one to stand there and look really, really cute…but I'm not sure if I have three assistants. Do you guys have any clue where I can find some?"

The three children swapped looks before they all eagerly raised their hands, offering themselves up to the designer who laughed lightly before nodding her head and scurrying from the bed, "Okay you guys, go get some play clothes on and meet Samara and I in the kitchen then we'll get started on these extra special pancakes." The three were off with loud whoops of excitement, James bringing up the rear as he fumbled to keep up with his big sisters before they all vanished from sight and Emily held her hands out to Samara, the blonde wrapping their fingers together as she was pulled flush against the singer. "You do realize they adore you, right? Almost as much as I do, if not more."

"Well, it's a good thing they're just like you because I adore them just as much. You guys are probably the sweetest little family I've ever met." Samara whispered as she nudged her nose against Emily's, the swimmer ducking her head slightly with a light blush and the designer carefully reached up to draw her chin upward so they were staring into one another's eyes with all their walls dropped and everything raw and bare between them. "Don't hide from me, Em." The blonde said the thing she used to whisper in Emily's ear back when they were dating in high school, those words washed over Emily like cool water and she allowed her eyes to flutter shut as all those memories came rushing back. "You're beautiful, y'know that? Everything about you is beautiful and seeing you being a mother is…it's a sight to behold."

"You're still the charmer you were in high school, Samara Leann Cook. Now, I do believe you promised my children breakfast and they may act like me sometimes but they're just like Spencer when they don't get fed." Emily joked but she froze slightly as the name of her ex-wife slipped between her lips, her brown eyes flickering to stare into Samara's that quickly hazed slightly before clearing as the blonde tilted her mouth up into an awkward smile of acknowledgment; Spencer was definitely a sore subject in their relationship, it was hard for Samara to remember that Emily once belonged to another, belonged to another more than she ever would to the blonde designer. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to mention her, you know that I'm with you now."

"I know, I know that but you know how I get about all of that. I mean, she didn't seem too pleased for me to be around you and the kids at the movies. She looked five seconds away from punching me in the face or something." Samara sighed as she ran a hand through Emily's wayward locks, brushing them downward slightly as she followed the movement with her eyes before smiling lightly as the swimmer tangled her fists in the straps of the blonde's tank top and stared up at her with eyes that told her everything was going to be okay, that just because Spencer had her first didn't mean that Samara couldn't have her now. "You know I'd do anything for you guys, but I won't fight her. I'm not going to try and replace her in the kids' lives or yours either, I understand that…"

"Samara, there is no Spencer in my life. Well, I mean she's only a part of my life because of the kids, that's it. I promise." Emily assured her with a sigh.

"Mommy, Samara we're ready to go!" Elizabeth exclaimed as she came skipping into the room dressed in a black skirt and red t-shirt, suspenders locked down tight as she wore a black beanie on her head and Emily rolled her eyes at how Spencer's high-school fashion sense had somehow rubbed off on their precious little girl; Elizabeth had been flipping through an old yearbook when she had fallen in love with a picture of Spencer wearing suspenders, after that the child was lost in the world of bow-ties and polo's much like her momma had once been. "I helped Jimmy-Jam get dressed, Mommy! He wanted to wear suspenders just like me, but Bella wanted to wear one of her icky jerseys so I helped him instead. Can we eat now? I'm super, duper hungry."

"Yes, chatterbox, we can go make breakfast now. Jeez, you talk more than I do." Emily laughed as she withdrew herself from Samara's hold, pressing a kiss to the blonde's cheek before moving toward her daughter and extending her hand, the five-year-old taking it in her own as she beamed.

Two hours later and the family was settling down in the kitchen, Emily and Samara struggling to clean up the mess of eggshells and flour while three kids sat at the table chattering away as they feasted on the pancakes and bacon on their plates. Emily sighed as she wiped down yet another counter covered in flour, sometime during the making of the pancakes Elizabeth had thought it would be a good idea to throw a handful of flour at her sister who in turn threw some back at a laughing Samara before the four of them had begun an all out flour and egg war that resulted in Emily's kitchen being filthy. Samara had ducked into the other room to check on the kids when the doorbell rang, Emily looking up from cleaning as she furrowed her brow before moving toward the door.

Sighing, the brunette unconsciously dragged a hand through her hair to straighten it out as she made her short walk to the door and paused to ruffle James's hair as she finally made it out into the hallway and closer to the front door where another ring of the bell came. The brunette couldn't help but frown at the fact that she was still in short pajama shorts and a pink tank-top, she had been meaning to just spend the day with her kids and Samara and this was defiantly an interruption to her family time. With a long sigh, she checked her reflection in a mirror on the wall before deciding she looked decent enough and continuing her journey toward the door, praying it wasn't Hanna or Aria on the other side.

Grabbing the doorknob, Emily yanked it open and her breathe caught in her throat as she took in the sight of the most beautiful woman standing in front of her with her head bowed sheepishly and her gaze only peeking up occasionally through chocolate lashes and carefully Emily swallowed around the lump in her throat before shaking her head and trying to figure out how to form a simple sentence. The lawyer stared at her for a long moment as well; Emily unaware of the hungry gaze that Spencer had locked upon her as she subtly licked her lips. All Emily wanted to do in that moment was gather Spencer into her arms, she had missed seeing those eyes look that beautiful and it brought back a whirl wind of emotions causing her to lean heavily against the partially opened door.

"Look, Em, I know it's early but…I need to see them. I need to see my kids." Spencer whispered as she looked at her ex-wife, watching as Emily's eyes flashed for a moment with concern causing the lawyer to shake her head as she bit her lower lip softly as she felt tears gathering in her eyes and she sniffled before looking into the eyes that held so much reality; everything today had been horrible, she just needed to hold her daughters and son in her arms and tell them that she loved them more than words could ever express, she needed them to understand that she would always love them. "There was a case involving two parents who murdered their son, I just need to see my babies and let them know I love them."

"Of course, of course you can see them just…hold on, they're eating breakfast." Emily whispered as she gave Spencer the softest of smiles before tucking a long strand of her dark hair behind her ear before clearing her throat and opening the door wider so her ex could enter the house instead of standing on the porch; the brunette glanced over her shoulder as Samara peeked around the corner before giving her a small nod and vanishing from sight again causing the swimmer to breathe a sigh of relief because right now she didn't want to deal with the awkward run in that would take place in Spencer found out that Samara had spent the night and then proceeded to make breakfast for the three kids, she could tell the lawyer had enough on her plate right now. "Let me get them real quick."

Emily ushered Spencer inside before turning on her heels and moving back to the dining room, sending a small smile to Spencer over her shoulder as she vanished around the corner. Spencer stood at the doorway area looking around the entire house in disbelief, everything had changed; there wasn't pictures of the whole family hanging up but rather pictures of just Emily and the kids, and there wasn't a hint of Spencer left in the entire decorated home…it was like she had been completely erased. The lawyer swallowed hard and ran a hand through her hair, she was here for her kids and she would freak out about the house later when she was home alone. She wanted her children right now; she wanted to be able to feel like the mother she was to them.

This week's case had hit her hard as she stood representing a dead child; two parents had brutally murdered their son and Spencer had been given the case, it had been taking a toll on her but after listening to those two horrible people take the stand and explain in detail each thing they had done…it had broken her inside and all she had wanted to do was be next to her son and daughters. She wanted to hug James close to her and kiss Elizabeth and Annabelle, she wanted her son to know she thought about his big brown eyes every morning when she woke up and every night she went to sleep, she wanted Elizabeth to know she missed reading to her every night and telling her silly stories, and she wanted Annabelle to remember that she was always going to be there to watch soccer games with her and help her with her homework.

"Mama!" Three voices chorused together and Spencer felt her heart tighten as she looked up to see her two little girls and her small son rushing towards her with multiple colors all over them and she didn't care that the messy children crashed into her white blouse and black skirt, all she wanted to do was have them in her arms and now she did and quickly she listened to the soft sound of Annabelle as the five-year-old chattered away in her ear. "Mama, what are you doing here? What's going on?"

"I just needed to see you three, I just wanted to tell you guys how much I love you and that I'll always love you no matter what anyone says. I know you guys don't like that your mommy and I aren't together anymore, but I just want you to know that you can come to me whenever you need me. I'll be here to play soccer with you and help you with your homework, I'll still build blanket forts when it rains and make omelets on the first day of winter, and I'll even be there to help you learn how to ride a bike and for each and every one of your birthday parties." Spencer assured them as she gave each a kiss on their heads, looking into their eyes and seeing both herself and Emily shining through, she wished she could hold them in her arms forever.

"Mama, you should stay and have some pancakes. Samara made them for us." Elizabeth chirped and Emily froze from her spot as she watched the way Spencer's jaw awkwardly tensed before she opened her mouth to protest but instead the five-year-old pulled away and all three children set to pushing her toward the dining room where Emily and Samara stood with wide eyes as they swapped looks before forcing smiles onto their faces; never noticing the tension, Elizabeth skipped toward Samara and wrapped herself around the blonde's leg with a large grin. "Samara, tell momma about the yummy pancakes you made for us! Tell her how good they are!"

"They're pretty good, sweetheart. I think I can make a mean breakfast." Samara replied as she looked down at the child, all the tension melting away from her as she reached out for Elizabeth who allowed herself to be pulled into the designer's arms as kisses were pressed to the top of her head. "If it's okay with your mommy, I'd be happy to make your momma a plate."

"Mommy, can momma stay and have breakfast with us? Pretty please, we haven't seen her in a total of five days! That's a long time!" Annabelle pleaded as she puckered her lower lip toward Emily who sighed heavily and cast a glance at each one of her kids and realized there was no escaping the puppy lips that all of them flashed and instantly she nodded and waved a hand to give them an okay before all three busted into cheers as Spencer chuckled and kissed James's head, setting him back on his feet. "Okie dokie, Mama, I'll get you a plate with extra bacon and coffee."

"Yeah! Mama is stayin for bweakfast! I's so happy!" James exclaimed as he bounced on his toes before scurrying back into his booster seat, shoveling food into his mouth with a grin on his lips.

"Oh yeah, you're real happy. That's why you're stuffing your face instead of snuggling with your momma, mm-hmm, I see how it is." Spencer teased as the three-year-old looked back at her with cheeks stuffed with pancakes, chocolate smeared all over his cheeks and the lawyer laughed lightly before reaching out to wipe away a speck from the corner of his mouth before ruffling his brunette locks and staring down at him with nothing but adoration; she couldn't help but feel the sting as she watched the way Samara and Emily traded soft glances every few seconds, their looks giving off the obvious comforting feeling they had being around each other. "Okay, so where are these world famous pancakes that you guys keep going on about and where's my coffee? You know how I get about not having any caffeine in the morning."

"Yes, yes we're all aware of the Spencer Hastings angry spree you go on without your precious coffee. I'll make you your favorite real quick." Emily offered with a roll of her eyes as she winked at her ex-wife before vanishing into the kitchen while the kids focused back on eating, Annabelle still off piling her momma's plate with food and that left Spencer to face off and Samara who folded her arms over her chest as she regarded Spencer with nothing but resentment.

Look, I don't want this develop into a fight because my kids are sitting right there but I do want to tell you something real quick," Spencer began as she cleared her throat and looked at the designer who braced herself for whatever the lawyer had to say. "I want to hate you so badly, I want to throw you out of this house and tell you to stay the hell away but…but I can't. I can't because I have no right, you make Emily happy and that's all I ever want. I messed up, I screwed my whole life up and every night I pray that she'd find her happy ever after again. I prayed it would be with me, but if it's not then that's okay. She deserves to be happy, and if you make her happy then I'm glad."

"I know you still love her, Spencer. I know that you want all this back, but I'm just warning you that I'm not going anywhere. After Em and I broke up in high school my whole world just stopped turning and now that she's back in my life I know that its God's way of saying that she belongs in my world, so I won't ever give her up. I appreciate your blessing though, it's nice to know that you care that much about Emily." Samara replied with a small smile before she sighed and looked down at the ground, raising her orbs to stare at Spencer's again. "Emily wants you to be happy too, y'know? She loves you because you gave her three beautiful children, because you gave her everything she had ever wanted."

"I know…look, I think its best I go. I don't have any place here right now, you're probably enjoying a family breakfast and I'm interrupting." Spencer murmured but before she could even think about leaving Annabelle appeared around the corner struggling to balance a plate piled sky high with pancakes and bacon, Spencer barking out a laugh as she rushed forward to help the five-year-old carry it; the lawyer stared down at the pancakes and her brows furrowed at the sight of perfectly circled cakes with chocolate dripping out the sides. "Wow, these actually look amazing. I have to hand it to you, Samara, you really can make some good pancakes."

Emily delivered Spencer her coffee and soon everyone was sitting around the table chattering and laughing like it was completely normal, the only difference was instead of Spencer and Emily trading looks and playing footsie under the table, Samara and Emily seemed to be locked on each other practically radiating with the new-found love they shared. Spencer attempted to ignore it, speaking to her children and only replying to questions Emily or Samara threw at her but she couldn't help but feel every burn that hit her as she watched the way Emily was seemingly moving on with her life. The lawyer closed her eyes for a moment as she felt everything wash over her before she bowed her head, she realized now that there was no getting her wife back and that the life she wanted so desperately was out of reach. She had lost everything that had mattered to her.

She was alone and it was her own doing, she had thrown away everything that was good in her life for a woman who she fired the next day. Breathing in deeply, Spencer allowed her eyes to flutter back open before her attention focused back on her son who was busy telling the story of his dream the night before, his hands flying every which way as he got into the details that seemed to be floating through his head. Laughing along with her ex-wife, the two stared at their son with adoration in both their orbs and Spencer slowly realized that this was all she had left of her wife, her kids.

* * *

><p><strong>If you see her, tell her I'm doing fine. And if you want to, say that I think of her from time to time. Ask her if she ever wonders where we both went wrong. If you see her, if you see her. <strong>

"Emily, please, say something." Spencer Hastings begged as she stared at the other woman whose silence had been eating away at her for five minutes, the lawyer could feel her heart cracking away in her chest, slowly disintegrating into nothing but dust as tears gathered in her wife's eyes; the woman closed her eyes slowly as she listened to the small whimpers that left Emily's lips as the swimmer attempted to keep herself together but failed miserably as the pain passed over the married couple. "I know it's a lot to ask right now, but you need to know that it meant nothing. It was a mistake, I never meant to hurt you. We just got caught up in the moment, we had just won a case and something had come over me, I regret it so much. I never meant to hurt you, please you have to believe me."

In a moment of weakness, Spencer had allowed herself to get caught up in a blind lust that led to her cheating on the most wonderful woman in the world. She allowed herself to be wrapped up in a pair of arms that didn't belong to Emily, she had permitted another body to press against her own and she had chosen for that said body to bring her to ecstasy as she momentarily forgot she was a married woman with three children at home. Now, she sat across from her wife who's chest heaved with each breathe she took while tears made their way down her cheeks and with a tsk Spencer moved forward to wipe one away only to have her hand slapped to the side as Emily growled and stood before stumbling backward and off the bed. The swimmer looked at her with wife with pure hatred, pure anger, and resentment as she frowned before a weak whimper left her lips.

"Fuck you, Spencer Hastings." Emily hissed as she shook her head before turning on her heels and moving toward the bedroom door, the door making impact with the wall as she threw it open and stomped her way into the hallway before the lawyer shot off the end of the bed and chased after her distraught wife; the woman silently thanked God she had sent the kids to Aria's for the night, this was certainly something she didn't want them to witness, everything that was happening with Emily was something she never wanted them to ever experience. "I gave you my heart, I gave you my everything and you turn around and screw your assistant? Who the fuck do you think you are? I'm the mother of your children, and while I'm at home raising the three of them your off having an office romp with that blonde bimbo who you were dumb enough to hire."

Emily's words burned hot in Spencer's ears as the swimmer shoved her arms into a light jacket, stuffing her shoes onto her feet as she glared at the lawyer who stood on the last step watching the other woman, it was obvious this fight was far from over but Spencer knew Emily well enough to realize that the swimmer was going to want her space while she sorted everything out in her head. Tears built up in the brunette's eyes as she watched the way Emily's hands shook and tears continued to caress her cheeks as she fought against the pain Spencer was sure that was growing within her heart. She hated herself, hated herself for ever putting her family in this situation, she knew how Emily felt about cheating after the whole drama with Maya but instead of considering it she had thrown it to the side and pressed her assistant against her desk before taking her.

"I thought we had something special, Spencer. Something unbreakable, but you truly went and proved me wrong. How could you do this to me? To our family? Did you even think about your children?" Emily whispered as she finally paused in her pursuit to leave, her brown eyes finding Spencer's in the darkness of the night as she watched the lawyer duck her chin before shrugging; of course Spencer had thought about her children, they were constantly on her mind and they centered around every one of her thoughts and throwing them to the side like she had done was one of the biggest mistakes she had ever made, Emily was frozen in her spot for a moment and Spencer watched something unfamiliar pass over her face before those beautiful brown eyes that she loved so much looked up with nothing but a cold, anger to the them. "I want a divorce."

All the air left Spencer's chest as she physically stumbled backward and tripped over her feet before landing with a thud on the step as she stared at the woman she loved more than anything, "W-what?"

"You heard me. You get to cheat, I get to end this marriage. It's a win, win for you, Spence. Now you don't have a wife to worry about, the second you fucked the woman is the second you lost me for the rest of your life. We're done, do you hear me? We're over." Emily hissed as she took one last look at her wife, staring into eyes that were full of tears before rolling her own orbs and leaving the house, making sure to slam the door as she left.

Spencer swallowed hard as reality came tumbling down upon her, everything that seemed so pure suddenly turned dark as she dropped her head to her knees and began to sob. She had lost it all, everything she had ever believed in and everything she had ever loved had just walked out her front door, taking every piece of her heart with her. She had lost her wife and would most likely lose her children too; the world seemed to come down on top of her as she curled into herself and allowed the sobs to echo through the empty house, the house that would remain empty from now on due to her actions. Swallowing hard, the woman stood and hurried toward the door hoping that she could catch up with Emily before all hell broke loose, hoping to change her mind and make her come home…

**End of Flashback**

Spencer shot up in bed as her chest heaved with every breathe she took; sweat coating her body as she replayed everything that had just happened in her mind…the moment when she had truly lost her wife for good. She remembered the ache in her chest as she reached up to rub at it, knowing that there was no physical way she could ever fix the breaks in her heart. She resented herself more than anything, woke up hating herself for the pain she had put her own family through because of the lust she had felt for a woman her wife had begged her not to hire. Sometimes Spencer would close her eyes and imagine she had listened to Emily when the swimmer had said that hiring that assistant was a bad idea, Emily had said again and again how it felt as if the woman just wanted to get into Spencer's pants, turned out Emily had been right.

Falling back in her bed, the lawyer stared up at her ceiling and replayed the breakfast she had had with her family two days before, well her family plus Samara. She had meant every word she had said to the designer, Emily deserved all the happiness in the world and if she couldn't be the one to provide it then she wasn't going to hate the person who could. Plus, she had no reason to judge Emily because she was the one who had completely swapped teams; she was the one who was now in a relationship with a man. Groaning, Spencer realized that she had set up a lunch date with Toby and she was going to have to listen to him drone on about how good they were for each other and how glad he was that fate had brought them back into each other's arms. Truthfully, Spencer was only using him for the comfort, he provided her with the warmth that she had so desperately searched for again.

He also chased away the lonely, the lonely left in the silent home when her children were gone. The lonely that had haunted her from the moment she had lost Emily, a lonely that she believed she deserved more than anything in the world. Her phone buzzed on the nightstand and she reached out and scooped it up, her eyes rolling when Toby's name popped up on her screen and she replied to the sweet good morning text he had left her before opening her folder labeled pictures, her thumb scooting through each photograph as she smiled at the good memories and outright laughed at some of the best. The woman paused on one as she allowed her hazel eyes to trek over every inch of it, it was a photo from her wedding day; Emily was warped tight in her arms wearing a gorgeous white strapless gown while Spencer stood beside her in a one sleeved gown that fell just below her gown, both women staring at each other like they had a lifetime ahead of them.

Spencer supposed they did once upon a time, before she had shattered that lifetime into smithereens. Sighing, the lawyer dragged herself from the comfort of her bed and set to getting ready for the day, dressing in her usual business outfit of a tight skirt and white blouse before applying a light amount of makeup and making her way toward the kitchen. The brunette readied her coffee maker as she made her way toward the fridge and paused to stare at a familiar family photo that James had insisted stay there so he could look at it when he missed Emily. It was a photo of the family of five crowded together at Disney Land, their arms all wrapped around each other and beaming like the perfect family they once were. Taking another deep breathe, Spencer turned her back to the memory and allowed herself to move on.

The day continued with little to no interruptions, the lunch date with Toby better than the rest because the man had actually spent a majority of the time attempting to learn a little bit more about Spencer and Emily's children, and there wasn't anything Spencer loved more than gushing about her twins and son. She had told him about Annabelle's sports obsession and Elizabeth's need to have a book in her face at all times, and she had shared with him James's love for everything that involved superheroes which made Toby laugh as he recalled his own days of being into the fantasy of heroes. She had been so happy with how the date had gone that she was actually the one to lean in for a kiss as they parted ways, her body practically humming with happiness as she realized that she was going to be picking up the kids from Emily's today so they could come over for the night.

The sound of rocks under the wheels of her SUV made her breathe a little heavier as the familiar parking lot came into view before she smiled at the sight of her kids all grouped together eagerly awaiting to be held in their mother's arms. Parking quickly, Spencer slid from her vehicle and rounded the other side only to be bombarded with three bodies that all laughed and spoke in quick, tiny voices causing the lawyer to do as she always did and simply nod along with a smile on her face. Spencer glanced up in order to meet Emily's eyes but her breathe caught as she met a pair of familiar blues and she awkwardly cleared her throat as Hanna narrowed her orbs at the sight of her ex-best friend before marching forward with the overnight bags Emily had packed for the trio of children that would be away for a couple of days.

"Em and Samara had a date tonight so I was forced to drop the munchkins off. Come give your Auntie Hanna some cuddles before you guys leave." Hanna ordered as she smiled at the three that gave her quick hugs and sloppy kisses on the cheek before moving toward Spencer's SUV and allowing themselves to be buckled in before the door slammed and Hanna and Spencer came face to face after many months apart; the blonde couldn't hold back the anger she felt as she stared at the woman who had comply broken Emily in half, the nights of sobbing and screams coming back to her. "Y'know, I can't look at you without wanting to punch you in the face again. You're so lucky that Emily has Samara because if she didn't…God, the things I would do to you if she was still the way she was."

"Look, Han, I know…"

"No, Spencer, you don't know. You don't know what it was like to hold Emily every night because she hated the idea of sleeping alone, you don't know what it was like to watch her fumble for lie after lie as to why she was crying because the kids didn't understand, you didn't have to watch her completely break because you were off screwing your secretary. Honestly, I don't know what would've happened to Emily if she didn't have Aria and I. I don't want to sound cocky or anything, but us and the kids are the only thing that kept her together." Hanna snarled at she glared at the other woman, shoving the overnight bags harshly into her chest before snorting under her breathe. "And you dating Toby, that's a pretty bad bitch move. You know how she feels about him, so don't go flaunting it around my god-kids."

"You don't get a say in what _my _kids see. They've been exposed to Emily and Samara's relationship so why shouldn't they meet Toby?" Spencer demanded as she narrowed her eyes at the woman she once thought she'd never be able to function without, a woman she had once called her best friend. "Look, I know exactly what Emily went through and I'm sorry I put her through it but don't you think two years is enough? Don't you think you should just let it go? Obviously Emily is happy so why can't you just move on and forget about how much you hate me?"

"I'll never forget about how much I dislike you, Spencer. Nothing will take away the year Emily spent attempting to put herself back together, _nothing_." Hanna spat before she spun on her heels and left the lawyer standing there, the blonde climbing into her car with one last wave to the kids before she left the parking lot all together causing Spencer to breathe a sigh of relief.

"Mama, why was Auntie Hanna so mad? She looked like she wanted to hit something, kinda the way mommy looks when she gets a bad time when she's swimming." Annabelle questioned quietly as her mother climbed into the cabin of the car, starting up the engine and slowly pulling out from the safety of the trade-off area, the five-year-old furrowing her brow.

"It was nothing, baby, Auntie Hanna was just venting." Spencer sighed before she looked into the rearview mirror and watched as each one of her children looked out their separate windows in happiness before she glanced down at her phone, noting the text she received from Toby. "Hey, how would you guys like to meet momma's special friend tonight?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Dun, dun, dun! Do you think the kids are going to like Toby?**


	5. Why Won't This Just All Go Away

**If anyone asks I'll tell them we both just moved on, when people all stare I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk. Whenever I see you, I'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue. Pretend I'm okay with it all, act like there's nothing wrong**

Toby couldn't help but feel uncomfortable as three pairs of eyes stared at him with wonder, Spencer had just gotten done introducing each child to the man and all of them had simply flashed him a half-smile before turning their attention back to the sheets of paper they were coloring on. Spencer winced inwardly as she realized that her kids weren't taking a liking to her boyfriend like they had towards Samara, the kids looked at the blonde woman as if she was God's greatest gift to the earth. Annabelle had even murmured something about Toby looking like a vampire which caused Elizabeth to giggle as she stared at the man before eagerly nodding her head in agreement, Spencer just couldn't understand why her kids weren't taking a liking to the sweet construction worker. Toby was polite to each of them, squatting at their level to speak to them and making a show of listening as James went on about the new dinosaur his Auntie Hanna had purchased him.

Spencer wished that her kids would look at Toby the same way they looked at Samara, they looked at the blonde woman like it was okay that she was in their territory, that no matter what happened they knew Samara wasn't going to be taking Emily away from them. She couldn't understand why they shied away from Toby, attempting to avoid the way his gray eyes searched them out and looked at them with pleading and a longing to be liked. In a way it was pitiful the way Toby looked for acceptance, but Spencer understood that her kids liking him was a huge up in Spencer's eyes and there wasn't nothing more Toby wanted then for them to rekindle the romance they once had in high school. Sighing, Spencer ran a hand over the Annabelle's head as she moved toward her boyfriend who had seemingly given up on receiving any attention from the children and had retired to his office to work on a few blue prints while the children entertained themselves.

"Hey, I'm sorry they're being like this. They must be tired, Emily had mentioned they went to Samara's for a swim so they're probably just wiped out." Spencer murmured as she approached her downed boyfriend, resting a gentle and comforting hand upon his shoulder which he easily shrugged off as he focused his attention back on the work in front of him causing the brunette woman to furrow her brow; she understood why Toby was upset, but she didn't appreciate him brushing off her attempt to make everything a little bit better, she was just trying to help. "Toby, don't be like this. I know you wanted them to like you, but maybe it just takes some time. They probably didn't warm right up to Samara, Lord knows that Jamie doesn't trust anyone but me or Emily."

"I'm getting really sick of hearing her name, Spencer." Toby grumbled as he angrily erased a stray mark on his paper before frowning at his work while Spencer simply looked on with an expression that showed complete confusion and the man turned to her with a saddened expression, shaking his head. "Look, Spence, you know how I feel about you but I'm getting sick and tired of hearing Emily this and Emily that, it's like you purposely find ways to throw her name into every conversation we have. And your kids, they're not going to warm up to me because it's obvious they hate me. I mean, they think I'm a freaking vampire! Samara has them charmed and you know that they'd do anything Emily asked of them so don't try and push something on me that I'm not going to embrace. I'm starting to regret getting involved with this in the first place. I don't think…I'm just not ready to deal with the aspect of kids."

"Well, I'm sorry my life is such a burden to you. You didn't have to get involved with me, Toby. You knew from the get-go that Emily was always going to be a part of my life because of the three kids sitting out there. You can't just erase and marriage and kids, it doesn't work like that. I know you expected to get back together with me and everything be like it was in high school, but you were wrong. I grew up, I got married and started a family, a family that you can't ever get rid of. So you're not ready for kids? Fine. Then I guess this relationship isn't going to work out." Spencer scoffed as she shook her head, fighting back tears that were pressing hard against the backs of her eyes.

"Don't pretend like this relationship ending is killing you inside, Spencer. You've been looking for ways to end it, you're still hung up on Emily, that's obvious. But you won't get her back, y'know?"

"Screw you, Toby." Spencer hissed before she spun around and moved back to the living room where all three kids were watching with rapt attention before their faces all crumbled and they moved toward the door, Spencer sensing that the fight she had with Toby had been anything but private. "Okay, troops, lets go back to momma's house."

"No, I want to go home."

"We are going home, Anna."

"No, I want to go home to mommy and Samara." Annabelle corrected as she bowed her head shyly, Elizabeth and James swapping looks before they nodded in agreement and their faces obviously betraying the fact that they too longed to be home with Emily and Samara; Spencer felt her heart crumple as she swallowed around the lump in her throat and gathered her purse and jacket, watching the way each kid slid their own jackets on before wearing a determined face that screamed Hastings. "Mommy and Samara never yell at each other and I want to sleep in my own bed tonight, can I go home and go to your house next weekend?"

"Guys…I…are you sure?" Spencer questioned with a bowed head as she looked to each child, watching them nod their head in agreement before she pursed her lip and looked at her kids before sucking in a deep breathe and releasing it; with a nod, the brunette woman blinked back the tears that had grown in her eyes again before dragging a hand through her long locks; she wasn't going to lie and say that it didn't break her heart to hear her own kids begging to be taken to their other mother's house because of her actions, she was inwardly kicking herself for even thinking taking them to Toby's was a good idea, she only did it to prove something to her…to feed her pride and ego. "Okay, if that's what you want. I'll take you back to your mom's."

The drive was quiet as they drove throughout the streets of the town they lived in, the soft lull of the radio creating an even more somber mood as three children avoided the eye contact Spencer attempted to create in the rearview mirror. Spencer breathed in through her nose as she caught sight of the familiar house, a house she used to call her home, the gravel crunched underneath the tires of her car as she noticed that Emily wasn't home alone. Elizabeth spared her mother a small glance before helping James unbuckle from his car seat, the five-year-old assisting her little brother from the vehicle before the three powered toward the front door and threw themselves at it, knocking eagerly. The sight of Emily yanking the door open, her smile dropping from her face, caused Spencer's heart to freeze in her chest as she caught sight of the glimmer of worry in brown orbs.

"Hey you three, what are you doing back? Mommy wasn't expecting you for another two whole days, not that I'm not happy to see you guys." Emily grinned as she allowed them to crash into her, Spencer clearing her throat awkwardly and shifting around as she attempted to avoid the eyes that were all upon her as Aria, Hanna, and Samara joined Emily at the doorway. "Jeez, you guys act like you haven't seen me in weeks. It's only been a couple of hours."

"Sam-Sam! Auntie Hanna! Auntie Aria!" James squealed as he flew through Emily's legs, crashing into the nearest woman which happened to be Aria and the artist giggled lightly before scooping the little boy into her arms and pressing a round of kisses all along his face causing the three-year-old to squeak as he attempted to draw himself away only causing Aria to lean down to bury her face in his neck and leave playful raspberries as the boy struggled to free himself. "Sam-Sam helps me! Auntie Aria is gonna eats me up, helps me before it's too late!"

Emily laughed at the pair before turning her attention to Spencer and the brunette woman looked at her for a long moment before motioning with her head for the swimmer to join her and instantly Emily did as instructed and ushered the twins inside the house before closing the door behind her and facing her ex-wife with a narrowed eyed expression and Spencer swallowed at the all too familiar look, "Okay what's going on? Normally they can't wait to spend the three days with you and now suddenly they want to be home with me…what did you do to them?"

"I took them to meet Toby, and things didn't go so well." Spencer confessed, blushing at the wide eyed expression that took over Emily's face as she gapped for a moment before she huffed and looked at Spencer like she wished the lawyer would burst into flames; the woman buried her fingers in her hair as she shook her head and attempted to hold back the tears that were pushing against the backs of her eyes. "I don't understand why this keeps happening to me. Why can't I just get _one _thing right? I ruined our marriage and now my kids can barely stand the idea of being with me for more than one day, I managed to screw up with them the first hour that I have them for a weekend. What is so wrong with me? I just…I can't ever get it right. I failed at my marriage and now I'm failing at being a mother."

"Hey, stop it. You're a great mother, Spence. Those kids love you. So what, they didn't like Toby? That's perfectly fine, it's not like the two of you are living together, now you know not to take them to see him. I mean, I would have actually preferred you warned me before taking our kids to meet your boyfriend but you did what you did and it's done." Emily shrugged as she folded her arms over her chest before shifting from foot to foot as she took a deep breathe and watched Spencer for a moment. "What happened to that made the kids decide that they wanted to be with me? I don't think meeting your boyfriend would really scare them enough to come home."

"Ex-boyfriend." Spencer corrected as she cleared her throat before watching as Emily's eyebrows shot up in surprise before she clicked her tongue and seemingly nodded her head as she waited for Spencer to explain everything to her. "We got into an argument that freaked the kids out, and before you say anything I'm sorry. It got out of hand and I shouldn't have done it knowing that the kids were in the other room, we just got caught up in the moment and before we knew it we were having a huge blow out that led to a break up. After that, I went to check on the kids and Anna said something about wanting to go home and her sister and brother both agreed and it's not like I can tell them no. Please don't be mad, I know it was wrong of me to fight with them near but I just…I'm sorry."

"Yeah, Spence, it was wrong of you and you're the mother, you're supposed to take care of them not have fights with your boyfriend! Dammit, Spencer, this better not affect them too badly. You know as well as I do that Elizabeth hates fighting, after all the arguments she heard between us it is a huge trigger." Emily snapped before she glanced back at the door and Spencer knew from the look on her face that the swimmer wanted nothing more than to rush back inside and take her three little blessings in her arms and refuse to ever let them go again. "Look, maybe I can convince them to go to your house tomorrow and they can stay till Monday, you'll just have to make sure they get to school on time and warn Ms. K that you're dropping James off at the pool instead of him going to daycare."

"Okay, that sounds good…is Jamie not liking daycare?" Spencer questioned with a raised eyebrow because the last thing she remembered about James and daycare the three-year-old had enjoyed it more than being at home sometimes, Emily had told her she had to literally peel James off a play structure one afternoon when he was refusing to leave.

"It's not that, he's just been a little clingy towards me lately so he's been coming with me to the pool and Samara's been picking him up after she gets off at work and then she meets Hanna at the park so the kids can play for a little bit." Emily shrugged before she blew out a long breathe and Spencer stared into the brown orbs she knew that would always draw her in; Toby had been right about one thing, she was certainly still hung up on Emily. "Okay, well, I'm going to go back inside. You're welcome to come in for a little bit and say goodbye to the kids."

Spencer nodded and followed ex-wife into the house that was once her own, her eyes staying glued to the ground as she came to a stop near the living room where the twins were using Caleb as a jungle gym and James was playing with Samara. The woman allowed her eyes to trek over everything, longing to stay in this moment forever but when she caught the cold stare of Hanna she cleared her throat and everyone's eyes came devoted to her as she made her way towards the kids and allowed them to crash into her for goodbye hugs. She kissed all their heads and whispered apologies and promises of seeing them soon before taking her leave, the excitement starting back up the minute her back was to them and she gracefully left without another glance back.

That night, Spencer curled up in her bed alone and reached out on the nightstand to grab a familiar incased memory; frozen in time was the perfect family of five, all of them smiling brightly with their arms wrapped around each other. Her fingertips ran over the glass, her heart beating painfully in her chest as she felt the effect of everything come crushing down on top of her. She had lost her family, she had given it all up and there wasn't any way that she could ever go back, she could never gain back what was already lost. Swallowing around the lump in her throat, she allowed the tears to pour down her cheeks while feeling everything. The anger, the sadness, the wonder, the whatifs…everything. And as she laid staring up at the ceiling she wondered if this was what her live would always be, she wondered if she'd ever be able to get back what used to be.

* * *

><p><em>Ooh, if anyone asks, I'll tell them we just grew apart. Yeah, what do I care if they believe me or not? Whenever I feel your memory is breaking my heart, I'll pretend I'm okay with it and act like there's not wrong<em>

Emily scurried around the kitchen as the sun disappeared and the moon came up to greet everyone, the swimmer was halfway through cleaning the dishes when the sound of running feet caught her attention and she glanced over her shoulder to see James staring up at her with his big brown orbs, his lower lip pouted slightly. The woman chuckled under her breathe before shaking her hands clear of the suds and squatting down to her son's level, cupping his hips and drawing him closer. The three-year-old obviously was upset about something and the way his brow was furrowed left her believing it was something pretty intense, so bring him forward she pressed a loving kiss to his forehead before simply looking into his gaze and telling him to go ahead and spill his guts.

"I tink I made momma sad when I said I wanted to go home to you's and Sam-Sam, but I didn't wike Toby cause Lizzy saids he wooked wike a vampire and vampires are scwary." James explained in a single breathe, pausing to suck in some air as he looked at his mother with those big brown eyes that she loved so much, her thoughts swirling as she attempted to put together a good response for his troubles; she hated seeing her son so upset and she knew he was a sensitive soul, especially when it came to his mothers. "I don't wants momma to be sad, I wants her to be happy and smiley wike she used to be all the times. Member when she was always smiley? I don't wike Toby, I tink he makes momma frowny."

"Well, baby, I don't know if Toby makes momma sad but I don't think she'd be with him if he did." Emily replied in a soft, caring tone as she reached up to brush a strand of hair from his eyes, watching them flicker with something she couldn't identify before she looked at him with nothing short of adoration; her son was her little miracle, she had suffered a miscarriage before this little baby was placed in her life and every time she looked at him she couldn't help but thank God for giving him to her. "I know you don't want momma to be frowny and neither do I, but I don't think you hurt her feelings by telling her you wanted to come see me and Samara. You and your sisters chose to come home because you didn't like it there. I hope you know that she's not mad at you or your sisters, you didn't like the feeling you had in your tummy when you were with Toby, did you?"

"Nuh-uh, I didn't wike it one bit." James admitted as he pouted his lower lip before shuffling forward to string his tiny arms around Emily's neck, the brunette swimmer chuckling under her breathe before wrapping her arms around her son and holding him close to her as she subtly breathed in the smell of his shampoo; all she wanted was for her children to be happy, she wondered why it was so hard just to make sure that they all had smiles on their faces twenty four hours a day. "I wants you and Sam-Sam to wead me a story tonight, kay?"

"Okay, Mr. Bossy Pants. Why don't you go get your jammies on and tell your sisters to do the same? It's getting late, you should be in bed already." Emily murmured as she ran her fingers through his hair, drawing away slowly to stare into his dark eyes before watching as he gave a small nod and a half-smile, glancing down at the floor for a long moment before turning and walking away; Emily watched him go before standing upright and dragging her fingers through her hair as she released a frustrated breathe of air, she wasn't sure what to say to make her son feel better about what had taken place today, she just felt like she couldn't get anything right as of lately. "What in the hell am I even doing?"

"Mommy! I can't find my jersey!" Annabelle yelled from upstairs and Emily sighed heavily before tossing her dish towel on the counter and leaving the kitchen to tend to her daughter who was waiting at the top of the stairs with a pout on her lips and her arms crossed over her chest, her arms shooting upward when Emily finally approached her and the swimmer quietly gathered the child in her arms before carrying her towards her bedroom; when the twins had turned five the pair had decided that they no longer wanted to share a bedroom, both had mutually agreed that they were ready to be their own person and didn't need the other one there to drag them down. "Mommy, are you mad that I made Lizzy and Jamie want to go home to you and Samara? I just didn't like the way momma was talking to her special friend, they were yelling and momma sounded angry."

"Sweetheart, I'm not anywhere close to being angry with you for wanting to come home to me. I know momma was a little bit sad, but you wanted to do what was best for you and your siblings and that, that makes me very proud of you." Emily assured the young girl, pressing a kiss to her forehead before setting her on her soccer themed bedspread and moving toward her dresser, digging through the drawers in order to find the jersey she knew she had put in there the day before. "I know you didn't like the way momma was talking with her special friend, but sometimes you have to understand that adults get a little upset and they forget who is in the room with them. You know your momma didn't mean to make you and your siblings sad, and you know she wanted to spend the weekend with you. Your momma loves you so much, Annabelle, you know that, right?"

"Yeah." Annabelle nodded slowly as she fiddled with her hands, smiling lightly as Emily gave a cry of triumph when she located the red and black jersey her daughter had been searching, the five-year-old taking it slowly as she shed her t-shirt and slid it over her form. "Mommy, are you and Samara going to get married like you and momma were?"

Emily froze in alarm as she whirled around to face the child who stared back at her with innocent eyes as she nervously shifted from foot to foot and the swimmer had to clear her throat as she nearly chocked on the lump that had grown there, her eyes taking in her daughter before she shook herself from her stupor and moved toward the dirty blonde, squatting before her with a concerned expression, "What? Baby, what makes you think that?"

"You guys kiss like you and momma use to, you hold hands, Samara tells you you're pretty a lot, and you always smile when you're with her…just like when you and momma were together. I like Samara, she's super nice and she's never mean to Lizzy or Jamie. Plus, she makes you smile a lot and every time you're together you always get really smiley and extra happy. I like it when you get that way, it makes me smiley and extra happy. Auntie Hanna says Samara is the best thing that could've happened to you…but don't tell her I told you cause I was eavesdropping." Annabelle admitted with a sheepish expression on her face, watching her mother closely and she saw a hint of a smile develop on the woman's lips before she relaxed her shoulders and sighed. "So, are you guys going to get married?"

"I don't know, baby. Marriage is a big step, you don't get married until you've been with the person for a really, really long time. Samara and I have only been together for a little bit, but I'm glad she makes you and your brother and sister happy, that makes me feel really good. She's a special lady, huh?" Emily chuckled and Annabelle nodded her head eagerly in agreement before the woman laughed again and ran a hand over the back of her daughter's head, leaning down to press a kiss to her head. "Finish getting ready for bed, munchkin, and then meet us in the living room. I'm going to force Samara to read you guys a bed time story, how does that sound?"

"Yeah!" Annabelle exclaimed in excitement.

Emily laughed lightly as she turned and left her daughter's room, her feet carrying her towards the matching set of Annabelle and she smiled as she leaned in the doorway and watched Elizabeth carefully strip back the sheets of her bed as she hummed to herself already dressed in a frilly little pink nightgown that went to her knees and her hair pulled back in a sloppy ponytail, "You're always the first one done. I think in that way, you're just like your mommy."

Elizabeth whirled around to face her mother with a beam on her lips as she skipped forward and grabbed a hold of the swimmer's hand, drawing her further into the pink room before the child plopped down on her bed and forced Emily to sit beside her. The mother took a long moment to stare at her daughter and she smiled lightly, Elizabeth had always been her little social butterfly, but had always been the one to want to stick close to Emily's side, she was defiantly a mommy's girl. From the moment Elizabeth had been placed in her arms, Emily had known that was exactly where the child belonged and she had instantly fallen in love with her sweet eyes that told the swimmer her daughter was going to go far in life. With a soft sigh, Emily reached out and tucked a loose strand of bangs behind the five-year-old's ear.

"So, I've talked to both your brother and sister about what happened with momma today. Care to share about how you're feeling?" Emily tested with a raised eyebrow, watching her daughter carefully duck her head as she shook her head causing the brunette woman to sigh because it was just like Elizabeth to keep everything bottled up inside of her. "Y'know, your sister told me that she didn't like momma yelling and Jamie said it scared him a little bit…it's okay to be scared, sweetheart. Your momma should have never done that with you guys around and I'm sorry I wasn't there to stop it, but you can't walk around keeping all those thoughts inside of you. You should probably open up to somebody and talk about it, especially someone you call mommy."

Elizabeth smiled halfway as she fiddled with her hands in a way that Annabelle had previously done and Emily chuckled at how alike the twins really were, "I wasn't scared, I just didn't like what that mean vampire man was saying to momma. I don't like it when anybody yells at you or momma or Bella or Jamie, I don't like it when people are mean to you guys. That guy was creepy and he kept trying to talk to us, you always say we're not supposed to tell strangers anything about our lives."

"I don't know, sweetie, the moment you met Samara you were all over her and sharing your deepest, darkest secrets." Emily teased as she poked the child's side causing the five-year-old to squeak as she crawled away from her mother with a sweet little giggle that warmed her heart. "You and your sister and brother couldn't and still can't get enough of Samara."

"Samara is different, she's super nice and she makes you happy. Momma's friend didn't make her happy, he made her mad." Elizabeth replied in a quiet tone causing Emily's eyebrows to furrow as she realized that whatever had happened between Toby and Spencer wasn't just a little argument like the lawyer had led her to believe. "Momma didn't want the man around us, I could tell because every time he tried to pick Jamie up or something momma would take Jamie into her lap or make me and Bella hold her hands. And whenever he said something to her, momma would lean away. You never, ever lean away from Samara when she's talking to you."

"Honey, we can't really put my relationship with Samara against momma and Toby's, that isn't very fair. I know what happened wasn't exactly how you wanted your weekend with momma to go, but tomorrow I was thinking that I could take you over to her house and you can stay there till Monday afternoon." Emily suggested with a raised eyebrow and the child beamed lightly before nodding her head in agreement causing the swimmer to laugh lightly before pressing a kiss to the top of the child's head. "Okay, you, since you're my good little girl and you've managed to get dressed and do everything to get ready for bed, why don't you go collect your little brother and meet us down in the living room? I'm one hundred percent sure that Cinderella will be being read tonight."

The five-year-old was off with a whoop of excitement and the mother watched her go before the smile dropped from her face, she had now touched base with each of her children and had learned exactly what each had thought about Spencer's argument with Toby. Emily wanted nothing more than to rip into Spencer, demanding why she thought it was a good idea to have a disagreement with Toby while her children were right outside the room, but she realized that it had already happened and there was no changing it. She needed to be thankful because she had three beautiful children downstairs waiting for their story time and that was all she could ask for; she'd deal with the Spencer drama later. Collecting herself, the swimmer stood and made her way downstairs and paused as she caught sight of Samara scooping Annabelle up from behind and swinging her around while her other two children giggled.

The swimmer smiled to herself as she watched her loving girlfriend interact with her kids and she shook her head as she realized that she had an amazing life right now, all that hurt and anger she had once felt slowly was melting away all because of the gorgeous blonde in her living room. Samara had twisted her world right side up and she couldn't thank her enough for it, the designer had given Emily something to believe it and she was showing her that giving up on love wasn't right. The swimmer flashed back to what her daughter had said how she had questioned her about marriage and she allowed herself to wander off to a place where she and Samara were indeed married and a smile enveloped her lips as she realized that place wants too bad. Chuckling to herself, the woman skipped down the last remaining steps and grabbed her son around his waist before hauling him toward the couch…she'd think about the rest of everything later.

"You okay?" Samara questioned with a soft smile as she looked at the brunette who dropped on the couch beside her, the blonde woman reaching out with her empty hand to run the tips of her fingers over Emily's tanned cheek in concern.

"Mmm, I'm better than okay." Emily replied.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: I'm so torn, it's not even funny. I'm like in love with Spemily, but Samara/Emily hold a bit of my heart as well and I'm just, ugh as a writer I need your help. While a majority of my reviews want Spemily, I got over fifteen emails begging for Samara/Emily…I'm stuck. And of course I know you guys want Spemily together but if (and I stress if) I put them back together it's going to take more than a couple of chapters and I'm going to have to figure out how to break Samara/Emily up without Emily cheating.**_


	6. What Do You Want From Me?

_A/N: Oh my goodness, apologizing would be useless wouldn't it? How about I just say 'I'm back' instead? Anyway, I hope this makes up for my very long break. Enjoy!_

* * *

><p><em>Now tell me what do you want, what do you want from me? Are you trying to bring back to the tears or just the memories? You keep taking me back, taking me back where I've already been. When we hang up it's almost like I'm losing you again. Can't you see? So, what do you want, what do you want from me?<em>

"That's mine!" Annabelle whined as she reached out to grab her toy from Elizabeth's hand causing her twin to huff as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Mommy, Beth tried to take my doll again!"

"Anna, not right now," Emily sighed as she finished chopping up an apple before glancing over her shoulder to see the twins glaring at each other. "I thought you two were supposed to be getting ready for your camping trip with Auntie Hanna."

"I was, but then Elizabeth came in and took my dolly." Annabelle hissed as she glared at said girl who returned the look before spitting her tongue out. "Mommy, did you see that? Beth made a face at me!"

"Elizabeth, please don't tease your sister." Emily scolded as she set her knife aside before grabbing a nearby towel and wiping her hands as she turned to face the girls. "Would you two please go finish packing your bag?"

Both Elizabeth and Annabelle nodded at their mother before they spun on their heels to rush out of the room, the two blondes shoving at each other as they hurried out of the room before the sound of their footsteps stomped their way up the stairs. Sighing heavily, Emily turned back to the cutting board and began cutting up the apple once more before she heard the sound of Jamie's voice calling for her.

Releasing a breath of frustration, Emily slammed the knife down on the cutting board before pushing it further back on the counter and wiping her hands as she hurried through the kitchen and up the stairs where she could hear Jamie calling her from the bathroom. Walking down the hall, Emily rapped lightly at the bathroom door before it flew open and Jamie poked his head out with a horrified expression on his face.

"Did you have an accident, buddy?" Emily asked in a soft voice watching as the boy nodded with wide eyes, the woman giving him a sympathetic smile. "Do you want mommy to go get you new underwear?"

"Yes please," Jamie whispered. "I'm sworry."

"It's okay, Jamie, don't be embarassed." Emily soothed as she glanced at him once more before turning on her heels and moving towards his bedroom before retrieving a new pair of Spiderman underwear from his drawer.

Emily quickly returned to the bathroom and slipped inside where she found Jamie sitting on the toilet with his legs dangling as he swung them, his head bowed at his stared at his soiled underwear causing Emily to frown slightly. Crossing the room, Emily squatted before the toddler and held the underwear so he could step into it, the three-year-old sliding off the toilet and into the fabric.

"There," Emily grinned as the elastic snapped into place, the woman offering him his overalls and watching as the boy pulled them on before she easily fixed his buckles. "Good as new. No mess at all."

"Is Sam-Sam comin' over?" Jamie asked as he looked at his mother with his big brown eyes, his face lighting up when Emily nodded her head. "Mommy, I stay here? I stay here and pway with you and Sam-Sam?"

"Not tonight, bud," Emily replied as she rested her hands on his hips and gave him a playful shake watching as the little boy pouted his lower lip. "I'm sorry, kiddo. I thought you were excited to get to Aunt Hanna's."

"I am, but I wanna see Sam-Sam." Jamie shrugged as he glanced down at his feet and rocked back on his heels before he looked at Emily through his long lashes. "Mommy, is Sam-Sam gonna be my new mama?"

"What?" Emily gasped as her eyes widened in shock. "Buddy, that...no, baby, no Samara isn't going to be your new mom. That's not even something I'd even consider, you have me and mama and that isn't going to change."

"Promise?" Jamie asked in a soft voice.

"I promise, Jimmy-Jam," Emily assured him with a nod of her head as she leaned forward to brush a kiss over his forehead before drawing away to lock eyes with him. "I promise, baby. I'm your mommy, and mama is your mama. End of story."

"The end!"

Emily giggled as she pressed one last kiss to Jamie's forehead before the three-year-old shot out of the room hollering about packing for Hanna's. Smiling to herself, Emily collected the little boy's soiled clothing before wondering towards the laundry room and adding it to the growing pile of clothes that the kids had managed to tear through in the last few days; she'd never understood how a child could get so messy in the span of two hours.

"Mommy, your phone is ringing!"

Frowning, Emily hurried out of the laundry room and chuckled in amusement at the sight of a half-dressed Annabelle hurrying towards her with her iPhone held above her head. The raven-haired woman took it with a smile of thanks as she ruffled the five-year-old's hair and watched her pout for a moment before brown eyes narrowed at her and the little girl turned to stomp away with her arms crossed over her chest.

Glancing down at the screen, Emily felt her heart shoot to her throat as she caught sight of Spencer's smiling face staring back at her. Butterflies spread through her stomach and her palms layered themselves with sweat, an uneasiness swelling inside of her as she fidgeted with the phone for a moment before gathering her senses and sliding the 'accept' bar as she lifted it to her ear.

"Hey, Spence,"

"Emily, thank God I caught you!"

"Are you okay?" Emily demanded as she glanced up to make sure none of the kids were near before she ducked back into the laundry room, closing the door behind her. "What's wrong? You sound upset."

"I'm not upset, just annoyed. I just got a case in Philly next week and no doubt it's gonna run into the weekend so I won't be able to take the kids. I was hoping, if it's okay with you, I take them today and keep them for the weekend."

"Sorry, Spence, Hanna has them this weekend." Emily sighed as she began to scoop up a pile of clothes, throwing them into the washing machine as she balanced her phone between her shoulder and ear.

"Can't she take them another weekend? I want to see them and if I don't have them this weekend then I won't see them for two weeks, and that's not fair. Please, Em. You know I wouldn't ask if I could work something else out."

"They're really excited to go camping with them, Spencer," Emily frowned as she slammed the machine shut before turning it on as she reached up to wrap her hand around her phone. "I don't want to change their plans last minute."

Spencer fell silent for a long moment before sighing, "You're not going camping with them?"

"Um, no. Samara booked a weekend for us at a spa so we're leaving once we drop the kids off with Hanna." Emily mumbled as she rubbed the back of her head listening to Spencer scoff in disbelief. "Don't do that. You don't get to do that."

"Do what?"

"Be jealous!" Emily snapped with a scowl. "You don't get to act like you get in a say in what happens between Samara and I. This is my relationship, and you have no part of it. Stop trying to act like you belong anywhere near it."

"I'm not jealous."

"Don't lie to me, Spencer," Emily hissed. "You've acted like a complete ass to Samara since the second you found out she and I were dating. She told me what you said to her last weekend when she dropped the kids off."

"All I did was ask that she didn't bring them. I think that's a resonable request, Em. I'd appreciate it if you'd drop them off, I'd like to know that you're actually with them instead off doing God knows what."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Emily spat as she slammed her hand down on the washing machine, the metal clanging loudly. "Don't you _**ever **_fucking throw my kids in my face like that, Spencer. You have no right."

"I have no right? Wow. That's rich. They're my kids too, but I feel like I have to go through you just to even see them for five seconds. I'm sick of this, Emily. I want them for more than the weekends, it's not fair."

"Spencer, I do not have time for this." Emily growled as she felt her heart thud heavily against her chest. "You are not going to question the custody arrangement, do you understand me? We filed it a long time ago and it's not changing."

Silence fell between the two women and Emily could feel her eyes welling with tears as a fear spiked at her chest; the idea of spending less time with her children killed her. Swallowing hard, Emily turned and slid down the length of the washing machine as she pulled her knees to her chest and pushed her forehead against her kneecap as she desperatley tried to choke back the sob that was bubbling in her throat.

"What happened to us?"

Spencer's words came through as a raspy whisper and Emily jumped in surprise before settling once more and shaking her head slowly. The raven-haired woman asked that question to herself almost every day, she'd never understand how everything that had once been so good had so easily been taken from her. It was as if, over their years of their marriage, Spencer had slowly turned into sand and overtime she had slowly but surely slipped through Emily's fingers.

"I don't know." Emily replied in a soft voice as she lifted her head, pressing her empty hand against her forehead for a long moment. "I-I...we were so happy. We were good together and now we can barely go five minutes without arguing."

"I miss us, Em."

"Spencer..." Emily began in a pleading whisper as she shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut for a long moment. "Please. Please don't do this now, I can't stomach it. Please, please don't start this now."

"Well, when do you want me to start it? I miss you, Emily. I miss our family. I know I screwed up but if I had the chance then I would do everything different. I'd never hurt you again, I'd never even consider the idea of hurting you."

"I'm with Samara." Emily reminded her in a strong, sure tone. "I'm with Samara and I'm happy, you can't change that. We're together and I don't want to lose her. She makes me feel special, something you stopped doing a long time ago."

"Em..."

"I need to go."

Emily quickly yanked the phone away from her ear as she ended the call, her gaze staying locked on the screen as she replayed Spencer's words in her head memorizing every gentle whisper and every rasp to her voice. Squeezing the phone in her hand, Emily raised her closed fist to her forehead and pressed hard for a moment as she took a deep breath before shaking her head.

"Mommy?"

Glancing up, Emily smiled lightly at the sight of Elizabeth moving towards her with a small frown on her face as she dropped into Emily's lap and allowed the woman to wrap her in a gentle hug before pressing a loving kiss to the top of her head. The pair sat in silence, their breathing in sync as they stared at the far wall before Elizabeth tilted her head up and stared at her mother with a gentle, wondering smile on her face.

Emily couldn't help but bask in the weight of her daughter in her lap, the five-year-old snuggled close to her and holding tightly to her. It was rare that Elizabeth wanted to snuggle with her, the girl usually attached herself to Spencer and preffered to have her cuddles and love rather than Emily's. Sighing lightly, the woman buried her nose in the child's dirty blonde locks before breathing in her daughter's innocence and squeezing her tightly.

"You need to finish packing up your stuff, my love," Emily whispered before grinning at the soft whine of protest that Elizabeth gave. "Aren't you excited to use your new sleeping bag? And sit around the campfire with marshmallows and songs?"

"Auntie Hanna said camping is gross and bugs are nasty," Elizabeth mumbled as she once again lifted her head to stare at her mother. "Why aren't you going, Mommy? I don't want to go. I wanna go see mama."

"You wanna go to mama's?" Emily frowned as she pulled herself away from Elizabeth before watching as the five-year-old twisted her lips into a small smile before nodding happily. "Oh. Okay. If you want."

"I do," Elizabeth muttered. "I miss her."

"Okay, sweetheart, you can do that." Emily smiled as she dropped a kiss to the child's forehead, rubbing their noses together. "Why don't you go pack up for mama's and then we can call her when you get done?"

"Mama!" Elizabeth squealed as she leaped from Emily's lap with a look of happiness and excitement on her face, pausing to glance back at her mother. "Thank you, Mommy. You're the best. I love you."

"I love you, too," Emily whispered with a small half-smile.

* * *

><p><em>So tell me. What do you want, what do you want from me? Did you call to say you found someone and I'm a used to be? You keep taking me back, taking me back where I've already been. If you've moved on, why does it feel like I'm losing you again? Can't you see? So, what do you want, what do you want from me?<em>

Spencer stripped herself free of her blazer, tossing it aside as she ran a hand through her hair and clasped back on her couch. The woman pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes in an attempt to rid herself of the headache pounding against her temples, her thoughts clouded by her ex-wife; Emily had a way about her, a way that kept Spencer coming back for more. The lawyer knew she'd never really get over Emily, and she knew that no matter how hard she tried she'd never be able to move on from her marriage.

"Get out of my head." Spencer groaned as she pressed the palms tighter to her eyes before releasing the pressure and jumping lightly as her phone vibrated in her pocket, the brunette digging the device free.

Freezing, Spencer stared down at the photo of her ex-wife grouped together with their kids; every emotion that Spencer had been feeling grew quickly as she tried to fight back the burn of acid that pushed up her throat. No matter how many times she saw Emily, it was still like a knife through the heart whenever her photo popped up or whenever she caught the sound of her voice over the phone. Taking a deep breath, Spencer calmed her speeding heart before accepting the call.

"Mama?"

"Beth?" Spencer frowned as she quickly sat upright on the couch, her stomach falling at the sound of her daughter's voice. "Baby, why are you calling me off of mommy's phone? Where's your mommy?"

"Mommy is here, she's helping Jamie roll up his sleeping bag for the camping trip with Auntie Hanna and Uncle Caleb. Mama, they're going to make s'mores and sing songs around the campfire. And Uncle Caleb is gonna take them fishing!"

"What about you, munchkin?" Spencer asked as she closed her eyes and listened to the sound of Elizabeth's musical giggle. "Aren't you gonna sing around the campfire and learn how to fish? And I know you love s'mores, what about them?"

"I'm not going, I'm going to your house."

"You're coming to my house?" Spencer repeated as she furrowed her brow in confusion before tilting her head as she reached up to rub at her aching forehead. "Sweetheart, can you put mommy on the phone?"

Elizabeth heaved a loud sigh before Spencer listened to the sound of rustling before she heard her daughter speaking loudly to Emily obviously ordering her to take the phone. Spencer couldn't help but shake her head in amusement as she realized how much her daughter modeled after herself; Elizabeth had certainly become a miniature version of her mama. The five-year-old was loud and always insisted on approaching people's problems, even if the person didn't want her there.

"Spence?"

"Hey," Spencer breathed out as she swallowed hard. "Um, Elizabeth just told me that she's coming over to my place instead of going camping? I thought you were leaving to take them over to Hanna's."

"I am, but I'm going to drop Elizabeth off at yours on the way. I don't know why, but she's suddenly decided that she wants to spend the weekend with you instead of going camping and I'm not going to tell her no."

"Well, what about Annabelle and Jamie? Do they not want to come over?" Spencer asked with a slight disappointed expression on her face, her heart plummeting when she heard Emily release a sigh of annoyance. "I'm sorry."

"It's not you, it's Samara."

Spencer perked up at the mention of her ex's girlfriend before she quickly tensed her shoulders and released a hum of understanding, "I know it may be weird to ask, but is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. She just texted me to let me know that Hanna booked a show for her so she's not going to be able to make it to the spa with me this weekend. So much for having a relaxing weekend away."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Em." Spencer said, the smirk evident in her voice as she mentally fist pumped before clearing her throat. "Well, now you get to spend the weekend in silence and you don't have to worry about taking care of the kids."

"Mm, that is true. Maybe I can set up my own spa."

"For sure." Spencer nodded, a lopsided grin appearing on her face. "Why don't you fill up the bathtub and just relax? That thing is like the size of a pool so I imagine a bubble bath will be like a swim for you."

"It is not that big!"

"It so is! I will never forget how hard you pushed me to buy that house just because you liked the master bathroom." Spencer chuckled as she shook her head. "You were so convinced that it was the only thing that mattered."

"It was...at the time! And you have no room to talk! You're the one who tried to persuade me into looking at a house with a built in tennis court because you wanted our kids to know how to play by the time they were three."

"Well, I've succeeded with two all I need is one more." Spencer shrugged before breathing out a sigh of happiness at Emily's soft laughter, both women falling silent. "This is nice. And kind of weird."

"I was just thinking that. Wasn't it about an hour ago that you and I were arguing?"

"Yeah," Spencer nodded as she rubbed at her forehead again before bracing her elbows on her knees. "But it's nice to just...talk. It's nice to talk to you again. I've really missed having conversations with you."

"I've missed it too, Spence,"

A loud commotion sounded from the end of Emily's line causing Spencer to smirk as she heard the distinct sound of Jamie squealing loudly while Elizabeth screamed at him; the brunette shook her head as she heard Emily yell at their son. For a moment, Spencer allowed her eyes to close as she listened to the familiar sounds on the other end of the line and pretended that she was there with them.

"Hey, I've gotta go...your son has decided that he wants to use the banister as a slide and he just knocked over all of Annabelle's books. Oh my God, and now he's climbing back up the...Jamie, get down from there!"

Spencer and Emily traded quick goodbyes and the lawyer breathed out happily as she stood from the couch and dropped her phone on the coffee table, running her fingers through her hair. Looking around, Spencer winced as she realized how messy her loft had gotten over the last few days due to the multiple case files that had been thrown on her desk; Spencer had barely been able to take five seconds to breath as of lately.

Scurrying around the loft, Spencer spent the next hour cleaning everything up and making sure everything was set up in Elizabeth's room before an eager knock sounded on her front door. Beaming, Spencer quickly crossed through the dining room and living room before hurrying towards the door and throwing it open, three small bodies colliding with her own causing her to laugh as she clasped to her knees.

"There's my kiddos," Spencer grinned as she pressed soft kisses to each of their heads before pulling away to get a look at their faces, her gaze locking on Elizabeth. "So, are we having a Beth and mama weekend?"

"Uh-huh," Elizabeth nodded with a bright smile.

"Mama, I'm sorry," Annabelle began with a guilty expression on her face, Spencer furrowing her brow as she turned her attention to the little girl. "I'm sorry I'm going camping instead of staying here with you."

"What? No, don't apologize." Spencer ordered with a shake of her head. "Baby, it's okay. You and Jamie go have fun with everyone, it's okay. You and I will have our own weekend soon, and same with Jamie and I."

"Promise?" Annabelle pouted as she offered her pinky to her mother watching the way a lopsided grin spread across Spencer's face before she nodded and locked their pinkies. "I love you, Mama."

"I love you, too." Spencer whispered as she drew Annabelle into her arms, Jamie instantly squishing himself into the hug as he pressed a wet kiss to Spencer's cheek. "And I love you as well, my little Jimmy-Jam."

Spencer pressed another round of kisses to their heads before standing and opening her arms to Elizabeth who didn't hesitate to fall into them, the lawyer lifting the five-year-old into her arms and cuddling her close as Elizabeth settled easily on her hip. Turning her gaze to the door, Spencer finally took in the sight of Emily standing before her with her raven locks falling perfectly over one shoulder, a small smile gracing her lips as she held out Elizabeth's favorite soccer bag, the brunette accepting it with a grin of thanks.

"I packed a couple of things and her favorite soccer ball, nothing too major." Emily smiled as she shrugged lightly. "Please make sure she goes to bed at a decent time and do not let her inhale a bunch of sweets this weekend."

"Em..." Spencer began with a roll of her eyes.

"Spence," Emily muttered, brown eyes meeting a moment later as the younger woman tilted her head and watched Spencer duck her head. "I'm serious. Please. Just...just don't send her into a sugar coma."

"But sugar comas are the best, Mommy." Elizabeth giggled as she extended her arms to the woman who didn't hesitate to pull her into a hug, pressing a kiss to her head. "I promise to go to sleep whenever mama tells me."

"Thank you, love," Emily chuckled as she locked eyes with her daughter. "Have a good time with your mama, okay? I'll talk to Auntie Hanna and tell her that you and her can go on a spa weekend some time, alright?"

"Alright, Mommy," Elizabeth nodded as she was placed back on her feet, the five-year-old giving her twin and her little brother a hug before grabbing a hold of Spencer's hand. "Have fun camping! See you in two days!"

Spencer shook her head in amusement as yet another round of goodbyes took place before the woman locked eyes with Emily for a moment and watched the way brown eyes softened momentairly before the younger woman stepped forward and embraced Spencer. The lawyer felt her breath catch as her eyes fluttered shut, her arms shaking as she slowly raised them to wrap them around Emily's toned frame, her senses heightening as she breathed in the familiar smell of vanilla and honey.

Time seemed to freeze for the pair as they stood in the doorway of the house in each other's arms, the dull buzz of their children fading to background noise as they slowly drew away from each other and stared for a long moment. Spencer couldn't help but allow her gaze to flicker from Emily's lips to her eyes every few seconds, her body desperately buzzing with need as she clinched her hands into fists to keep them from grappling at her ex-wife; she wanted nothing more than to kiss Emily, to remind her of their love.

"Kiss her!"

The words caused Emily to step back instantly as both women glanced to see Jamie staring up at them with a dimpled grin, his brown eyes wide with excitement as he pumped his fists in the air. Emily opened and closed her mouth a few times before a blush spread over her cheeks, the woman settling her hands on both Jamie and Annabelle's heads and turning them towards the walkway, the trio making their way towards their waiting SUV.

"Mommy, how come you didn't kiss mama?"

The question faded into the distance as Spencer smirked and watched Emily clamp a hand over Jamie's mouth, the lawyer watching her family for a moment before shutting the door quickly and turning to see Elizabeth staring at her with a raised eyebrow. Something inside of Spencer went cold as her shoulders tensed, the look on Elizabeth's face burning low in the pit of her stomach as she tilted her head.

"We need to talk," Elizabeth mumbled as she crossed her arms over her chest, her expression matching one Emily would wear whenever she was getting after the kids. "We need to talk about mommy."

"We do?" Spencer frowned.

"We do," Elizabeth nodded. "Mommy is gonna marry Samara."

"Oh kid," Spencer laughed as she shook her head before moving forward to squat before her daughter, brushing a strand of dirty blonde hair behind the child's ear. "Beth, mommy isn't going to marry Samara."

"I want mommy to marry you." Elizabeth muttered as she scruffed her toe and pouted her lower lip. "I want you to come home and play soccer with me, and I want you and mommy to kiss again. I miss you."

"Sweetheart, you don't have to miss me. I'm right here." Spencer pointed out as she continued to wipe strands of hair from Elizabeth's face, staring into her doe brown orbs. "How about we doing something fun, huh? Maybe kick the ball around?"

Elizabeth hesitated for a moment before nodding, "Okay."

"Beth, please don't be upset," Spencer sighed when she noticed the disappointment clear on her daughter's face. "We can talk more about this when mommy comes to pick you up on Sunday, okay?"

The answer seemed to calm the child as she nodded slowly before flashing Spencer a lopsided grin before rushing past her to gather her soccer ball, Spencer watching her go as she blew a relieved breath out of her nose before standing. The woman hesitated for a moment as she listened to Elizabeth's giggles, the five-year-old bouncing her ball from knee to knee before dropping it and kicking it towards the backyard. Chuckling, Spencer glanced over her shoulder at her phone before crossing the room and grabbing it.

Elizabeth's words replayed over and over in her head, jumbling together and screaming louder at her with each passing moment. Pulling up her text messages with her ex-wife, Spencer allowed her eyes to dance over the schedules the women planned out for the kids and the random texts in between those. Spencer quickly typed out a message as her bravery pushed at her chest, her thumb hesitating only for a moment over the 'send' button before she finally tapped it and watched the green bubble appear on her screen.

"Mama, look!" Elizabeth called from the backyard as she fired a shot across the yard, throwing her fists in the air in a silent show of victory as she glanced at Spencer. "Did you see that, Mama? Did ya?"

"I did, Beth," Spencer nodded as she set her phone aside and rushed towards her daughter, swooping her into her arms much to the delight of the five-year-old. "Come on, let me show you how it's done."

Across the room Spencer's phone vibrated against the table, the screen lighting up with a gray bubble: _You're right. We need to talk._


End file.
